Me and Eartha aren't sure if you're serious.

5:51 PM - Wednesday 8 August 2007 - comments {1} - post comment

Da Doo Ron Ron

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Dedicated to performing the mystical rites that restore to life the wonderful sounds exemplified by the Grand Masters of Exotica - Les Baxter! Arthur Lyman! Martin Denny! All guys who stole every goddam idea Sergio ever had if you ask him, without giving him any credit or royalties. The worthless bums!

But I digress. Presently we are sitting out the monsoon season in our luxurious jungle hut, laying down some groovy tracks for the swingin' set, but soon we will set the sail on our outrigger of love and bring our stirring, primitive, throbbing rhythms to...well, probably to some slobbering drunks in a smelly bar somewhere. Maybe you'll be one of them. I know I will. Watch this space for details.

In the meantime, there is a very important item of business. Belove

Big Ron is in need of a home and while the idea of witnessing the Ebay frenzy he would no doubt generate has some appeal, I would much rather see him go to someone who will cherish, adore and worship him in the manner to which he has become accustomed. Demands, in fact. Live sacrifices are optional, but advised. Anyway when imageshack wakes up, I'll post some pictures and details of how you can own your very own  pagan idol.

And here it is.




So right now you're probably thinking to yourself "Sure, he's magnificent but I'm a practical kind of guy. What am I going to with a 6 foot tiki of sturdy MDF board, papier mache and pool-noodle construction, lovingly crafted by master artisans using the traditional techniques of their island forebears? Well, have you considered...

Big Ron can give your backyard Tiki bar a previously undreamt of sense of purpose.


The wahines dig him, like, the most!


How many features come up so well in low res phone photography, I ask you? Why, he'll treble your land value!                                                                                                         


The Xtaboys are a lot more likely to come and play at your house if you have a thumping great tribal deity glowering in your back yard. That's a pretty exciting prospect, huh?   


Note the craftsmanship that has gone into his making. You could bury pharaohs in him!


Perhaps you're the quiet, contemplative type? Imagine whiling away the evenings in silent communion with your very own pagan god!                                                   


Are nuptials in the offing? Maybe you're just trying to restore that "just married" glow? What a godsend to the aspiring marriage celebrant! Not everyone has the time or money for that romantic beach wedding on the shores of Pago Pago but the mere presence of Big Ron evokes,nay, ENFORCES an air of exotic romance.                                      


Can you truly resist the alluring siren call of Big Ron?


I thought not.  Well, it's absurdly simple. All you have to do is send an email to sergio.paradise.jr@gmail.com explaining why YOU deserve Big Ron more than, say, that guy over there. The entry deemed most worthy will be given the keys to the temple, and complete care and feeding instructions. This is a deadly serious offer, but only for a limited time. I would love to keep him but the resort developers are moving in and we have to move on.

I should point out that Big Ron lives in Melbourne and while he does break down into two parts, he is of a stature intended to inspire awe and reverence so there is a very good chance he won't fit into your Isetta. There is little point in turning up on my doorstep with one of these . A ute, trailer, or even substantial station-wagon with the tray down would certainly do the trick however.

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10:12 PM - Thursday 2 August 2007 - comments {0} - post comment