Soap made of goat's milk doesn't lather

More interviews

I'm not taking this job though. I did write out some of the specifications below, just so you could get an idea. I can do all of those things. In some ways I'd love to work it because I love to bush camp but I am wary of the company because of the whole disinterested way they approach things. (Plus they didn't run a spell checker. Come on people, I did it for my resume and carefully crafted letter, which took around an hour to write. You can do it for one lousy generic email.) 

The tour guide is the front end of the company, the person who  presents the company to the clients and they can make or break a tour. They need to be valued for that reason alone and in this company's case, I don't think so.

I wrote to inform them of this.

Dear applicant

Below are some further details about the Northern Territory Tour Driver Guide Role. Please carefully read over these details and also you can also find the Trip code SO3 and SO5 we do on our website www.connections.travel.

When you have read the information below and visited the website I would like to arrange a time to meet with you. So far, I have the following times available so let me know via email what time and date will suit you best nominated a second choice as well:
Monday 20 October 1pm/2pm
Tuesday 21 October 8am/9am/10am/11am/12noon/1pm/2pm
Thursday 24 October 8am/9am/10am/11am/12noon/1pm/2pm

I will be in contact with you via email to confirm the time and date. We will meet at 475 Hampton Street, Hampton.

Person Handling Recruitment

So and So Company

 

 

 

 

 

Put Yourself In The Picture



So and So Company is one of a national group of companies catering to the adventure traveler and offering a unique style of touring and degree of comfort.



Our Central Australian operations are based in Alice Springs, and our touring program consists of three-day and five-day tours. We have our own permanent campsites at every overnight stop and each site comes complete with a powered kitchen and pre-erected tents fitted out with beds, mattresses and sleeping bags.



So and So Company Safaris tour program operates 365 days a year, and engages the services of multi-skilled guides who are required to drive, provide commentary, and also cook for the passengers. Each tour has one guide per tour to perform these roles. As a consequence, becoming a member of our on-road crew requires a high level of fitness, strong leadership skills, the capability of sustaining a professional attitude at all times, an enthusiastic passion for Central Australia and the ability to communicate this enthusiasm to our clients.



All prospective guides must be prepared to gain a Northern Territory MR driver’s license with H endorsement (public passenger license) plus a Senior First Aid Certificate.



We at So and So Company are committed to a strong training program and all guides are required to complete:

-          several familiarization/training tours

-          a session in the So and So Company workshop

-          a session in the So and So Company stores department



So and So Company provide all training in house. Training takes between three to five weeks. Our tours are fully inclusive so most meals are supplied by Connections whilst completing on-tour training. Accommodation outside of the on-tour training is at the trainee’s expense, however, heavily discounted rates are offered to trainees at our preferred accommodation hotel / backpacker hostel in Alice Springs.



Tours are allocated with approximately 1-2 days off allowed between tours but this is subject to season and demand.



Uniforms are supplied by So and So Company and must be worn at all times on tour. Laundry & upkeep is at the guide’s expense. A basic tool kit is required and is at own expense, as are any reference materials in relationship to commentary, music cassettes and CD’s, Ipod’s and kitchen tools (tongs, serving spoons, can-openers etc). A mobile phone at own expense is also required.



So and So Company supplies eating utensils, plates, cups, bowls and other kitchen equipment for our clients on tour. Our catering department prepares food kits for each tour and our team of mechanics and detailers service all the vehicles at our Alice Springs depot. Guides must load the vehicles before departure and unload on return.



At So and So Company, we are a dedicated team that works hard to ensure our crew has the best possible support to deliver the best possible experience to our clients.







Job Description



1.       Job Title:

Camping tour guide



2.       Objective:

So and So Company is looking for young or young at heart – dynamic person to lead group in the Red Centre for the Camping safaris 3 days and 5 days programs. This program is operating 365 days / year.



3.       Position in the organization:

The tour guides are the frontline of the company: They must have impeccable customer service and stay friendly in all circumstances.



4.       List of duties and responsibilities (% of time associated, degree of importance):

                                                                         i.      Communicate with passengers in a polite and comprehensible manner, respecting cultural differences (90%)

                                                                        ii.      Communicate with Operations and other guides with respect, (10%)

                                                                      iii.      Coordinate and operate the tour, (90%)

                                                                     iv.      Respect itinerary,

                                                                       v.      Drive respecting company policies and states laws, (40%)

                                                                     vi.      Guide in National Parks respecting regulations, (40%)

                                                                    vii.      Provide commentary and interpret of Aboriginal Culture, (40%)

                                                                  viii.      Cater including dietary requirements, (20%)

                                                                      ix.      Provide first aid,

                                                                        x.      Work on a roster that can change last minute, weekend, Christmas day and Easter,

                                                                      xi.      Work with other guides and language guides.



5.       Related to:

Communicate with Operations in Alice Springs at all times.

Communicate with other guides.

Communicate with stores, workshop and maintenance personnel.



6.       Relevant working conditions:

Travelling remote Central Australia for 3 or 5 days – away from Alice (home base),

Long working hours(12 hours +), early up to visit locations at sunset,

Working in difficult climatic conditions (heat in summer and cold in winter),





Person Specification



You must be flexible to work with roster system, on weekend or during public holidays.

You must respect tour instructions and procedures given by Operations.



You must be polite and respect passengers. You must be diplomatic when they have not been informed correctly about the product and they will start to complain.



You must be physically fit to work the long hours, guide the 6 kilometres walks, carry equipment, luggage and do that in 40 degrees.



You must show defensive driving skills respecting company policies. You must respect the safety procedures and present them to the passengers in order to prevent incidents.



You must provide an informative up-to-dated commentary to the passengers in the following subject and specially relating to Central Australia: nature, history, fauna, flora, geology, climate, social – economic. You must interpret Aboriginal culture.



You must be able to cater following the meals plan supplied, respecting the dietary requirements asked by customers, including cooking in the campfire.



Ecotourism certification is desirable but not essential.

Person handling interviews

Recruitment Specialist

 

Help!

Second job interview just completed (an hour and a half telephone interview) and I now have two jobs waiting for me! I have to make a decision about which I take.

First job is day tours based out of Uluru and single accomodation until March, whereupon I may be given the opportunity to do three day tours. It's a small company but very qualified and passionate and I would love to work for it. Not sure about the money as I failed to ask the right questions during the interview, being grief stricken and all.

Second job is based out of Alice Springs and I'd have to relocate in order to do it. Trips range from 2 to 8 days and I do prefer extended touring. It's a big national company and there's the opportunity to work in various products all over Australia and even overseas. Money is great. But there's not the camaradarie that you get in a smaller company (this one has upwards of thirty guides) and it's not outback camping style.

Both companies are prepared to wait for me until December to work. Both are prepared to start me on the upper end of the pay scale, due to my qualifications and experience.

I don't know!

Edited to add: Fuck! A third one now. I can't even decide what to wear when I get out of bed in the morning at the moment, let alone a job. The organised, logical person I was seems to have vanished in the face of this resonant grief.

Where to from here?

I have a two hour job phone interview tomorrow and I don't know which job it's for! I'd applied for one job online whilst I was in America and a few emails back and forth semi-secured me the position. Then last week I had a phone call, which I woke out of a deep sleep for, and I think it was that company and they said that I had the job. That was out in the desert, at Uluru. Then, last week, I had another phone call and I'd just finished crying so I didn't get that name either (and I'd put my resume out there to quite a few places).

I might well get offered that job tomorrow as well. I do interview well. In fact, I told my daughter to stick around and listen to how it all went as she could pick up a few tips.

The thing is (and it sounds terrribly conceited to say so), I am actually very good at my job, at being a tour guide. Companies often approach me, rather than the other way around, and I've been in quite a few media things over the years. I have no doubt that I will get a job when I want one, according to season and demand, but it's trying to decide whether I work away in the red heartland or in the city. I do prefer extended touring because you get to know your passengers, and I don't like living in town. But my girls live in town and I love the hell out of them.

I've done tours up to a month, tours of two weeks, tours of two days and one day and I've done tours that were only two and  a half hours long for two years!  They've covered the range from Eastern Europe to interior desert; from heavy industry to boat cruising; from gourmet wine to iron ore. The one thing that all of these tours have in common is that I never, ever got bored with any of them.

So, I think it's safe to say that I will have a job soon, if I want one. Well, that I will have a choice of jobs, I mean.

Finally getting better

The antibiotics seem to be working and I've only had to take one day off work. Well, I should have taken more but I don't get paid sick days and I need the money. My chest doesn't hurt so much anymore but I'm coughing insanely when I talk and I have to struggle to not a) throw up or b) pee my pants, both of which happened yesterday, much to my disgust.

I meant to blog about the awards night I went to last week, for our company, but I felt too ill until now. It was a real 'dress up and rock them' night and the theme was Hollywood; dress in black or white. My daughters did my hair and makeup and I squeezed into a way too tight black dress and four inch heels. I haven't been to a social occasion like this, on my own, for years and I ummed and ahhed about going right up until just before I left. I am actually very shy in real life, except when you get me as a tour guide, and walking into a room full of strangers who all know each other is one of my worst nightmares.

But I had four teenage girls in the house who were raccuously encouraging (best compliment of the night, from my daughter, "I hope I'm pretty like you when I'm old too"). Having a semi professional meant that the hair rocked!

The final product:

There was a red carpet to walk down into the gathering, and you had your picture taken as you did so. Everybody was dressed up to  the nines and the tables glittered with linen and crystal and lots and lots of tiny foil star sparkles.

Don't be fooled by all the wine glasses, though. The Nifty company has a responsibile alcohol policy and kept reminding us all about this. (This meant that I couldn't take one of the bottles with me when I left; shame). There were company printed chocolates on each side plate. I immediately filled up all my pockets.

The food was buffet style but I couldn't get past the smoked salmon. If that plate looks like its composed entirely of smoked salmon, you're 98% right. There were also 2 pieces of rare roast beef there and some chicken, for variety. My ideal dinner. That's all I ate. Why go past perfection?

They'd organised everything incredibly well and spent a lot of money on it. It was a shame that it was so deathly dull. From 7.30 until ten it was speeches and I found them so tedious. Probably because I am used to talking professionally for a living, I really take note of other's oratory skills and the company highups were, without exception, very bad at public speaking. There were lots of injokes, mumbling, forgetting the point and failure of electronic media aids, which to me shows lack of preparation. I felt that the whole evening was let down by this aspect of it.

So I amused myself by making a picture.

And then I made one for the boyfriend and sent it to him.

And once the speeches were over I went home and threw chocolate wildly all over the room at all my teenage girls.

Whoops, given away the company name now. Oh well, only three more days of employment with them anyway.

Sugar and spice; better not to be nice

You do meet some funny types in the car/truck rental industry. I've
been working in this area sporadically on and off for around 8 years
and I've often remarked on how rude people can get. I once had
somebody lean across the counter and try to punch me, when a truck
wasn't available for him! Fortunately, I have very good danger
reflexes and whipped back fast, before the Branch manager and several
burly men frogmarched him out.

Things people leave behind

Working in a vehicle rental firm as I do, I get to see a large variety of items that people leave behind when they return the vehicle. We get a lot of frantic telephone calls about specific items, both valuable and also merely sentimental, and it always surprises me how people can make such an urgent fuss and yet fail to pick up the item afterwards.

There are drawers full of junk put aside and sometimes I'll go through them and see if there's anything there I want to use. There's a policy in place that we tag and date the items found in the vehicle and phone the renter to let them know that they've left things behind. After two years its a safe bet that they aren't coming back, so sometimes I'll acquire stuff, like a personal first aid kit, or another pair of sunnies.

Currently, our stash of left behind treasure includes a blue plastic hard hat, a blow up rubber ball, umpteen phone chargers and connectors, about a million house keys, assorted spanners, wrenches and other tooly type stuff, diaries, key rings, identity cards and a child's car seat.

I found a lot of stuff yesterday in a returned ute, including  $1.00 in change under the seat, but there's one item I won't be calling the renter about. It's a pathology request form.

For blood and serum tests.

For syphilis, gonhorrea, herpes, AIDS, hepatitis, chlymidia etc.

Just how do you bring that up in conversation? "Excuse me, Sir, you left your list of sexually transmitted diseases to be tested for, in our vehicle."

He has to know I will have read it. And the entire office, who I shared it with. I loved my manager's reaction, by the way. I just handed him the piece of paper and said, "read this". He did so and promptly dropped the list and wiped his fingers, all without consciously realising he was doing it!

I can't call this guy. I constantly nag about safe sex. And I would find it way too hard not to add something along the lines of "Bad boy! You've been dipping your wick where you shouldn't! Next time, use a condom." Somebody else, preferably one of the guys, can make that call. Or wait for him to contact us and request the pathology form back.

 I wonder if he will.

Me Nifty-ily at work

One of the smaller trucks I drive. (For drive, read 'hurl around this yard, shift to other yards and get down and dieselly with').

I am all gussied up like a frigging air hostess.  It is freezing, around 3 degrees (not kidding) and I have just scraped ice off that truck's windscreen. I am wearing pantyhose under my trousers for warmth and I have a bra, shirt, vest and jacket on the top half and I am still freezing.

My smile says "Good morning and welcome to Nifty! How may I improve your day?" but behind my eyes I am saying "I do not get paid nearly enough to look this stupid, feel this cold AND put up with abuse. Swear at me, fucker, and I will gut you!".

Hell of a day yesterday

It followed on from a three day attempted fight off of a migraine on my part, whilst still going to work. I have to say the migraine won. My fault for not wanting to use my $55 nasal spray migraine remedy because I can't afford it. It culminated in a Sunday where I was wearing sunglasses to work, speaking in a whisper if at all, and alternating between cleaning trucks, lying down in the deserted boss's office in the dark and throwing up. Oh, and also moaning a LOT.

Why did I even go to work? Money. I have no sick time. Plus a misguided sense of loyalty to my fellow work mates. Who were not as appreciative as you might think and sent me home early anyway. I can't imagine why they didn't want me around.

Bed and drugs for 14 hours and I bounced out of the bed the next morning. As bouncy as you get at 4 a.m. in the dark, which is to say not 'very' when there is nobody next to you to bounce with.

Five thirty am and at work moving around cars, trucks, buses and cars. We had an audit that day. Plus the company owner flew his own private plane in to be with us. Add in the hellishness of a regular Monday morning and around twenty truck deliveries and a whole heap more ute, 4wd, bus and car rentals. I hit the ground running and did not stop until I left work at ten past five that afternoon. No break for nearly twleve hours. I ate on the fly, talked at the speed of light and cursed the phone every time it rang.

I have not mentioned my company name but it's a nifty one. One word and easy to say and remember when you are doing the whole 'Good morning and welcome to xxxxx, Welshpool. This is .......' spiel. Which is not how we have to answer the phones, incidentally, just how I do.

Except the other day I'd been joking with an employee at another branch about his answering of the internal call I made with the same sort of thing an dhow formal he was being! You can see when its an internal call by the number but you don't always have time to check. So when he called me back in a few minutes I DID check and answered with 'Welshpool! Wadda you want?!', much to the horror of my coworker, who never checks.

Yesterday I was so busy my mouth appeared to be having hookup difficulties with my brain. In earshot of the company boss, and  the auditor, I answered a call with "Shifty! How can I help you?". When I realised what I'd said my immediate response was to burst out laughing, something the guy on the other end of the phone also joined in with.

But if we fail our audit, I will have the knowledge that I might have contributed and I will feel bad about that.

One good thing yesterday was that I got to deliver a bus to the Burswood (very plush casino/hotel) for the use of the TriNations Rugby South African team. It took a while to find the guy who had to sign for it and, in loitering around the hotel lobby, I got to see all the members of the team coming back from their runs and training sessions. I don't know if it was the slightly famous factor or the sweaty goodlooking muscular men factor, but either way it was  a welcome and enjoyable break from a very exhausting day. 

Three weeks and they're getting to know me

Tomorrow I have to work out the back detailing. (That's a wankery fancy word for cleaning trucks and cars to within an inch of their lives. Unfortunately, as a qualified skill, I've done it before and the company knows that).

Me and the other girl on tomorrow (the one whose pants don't slide down to her ankles in 45 minutes) got to rock on for the privilege of using high pressure hoses, in shorts, at 6 am.

I lost.

Hence this conversation.

Me: "You do realise that this means I'll have to go home and shave my damn legs? God, I hate to do that if I don't even get any sex out of it!"

Boss": "We'll femminise you yet. Regular women are smooth just on the offchance."

Seriously? They are?

I am so inadequate as a woman, enjoying not defoliating when there isn't a man around. I confess to liking the feeling of the wind rustling through my leg hairs.

I am off to take the machete to the jungle. Nobody had better say that I don't give my utmost for my job.

I got my company uniform yesterday

Yes, the one that I had to go and try on a secondhand version first, because they didn't think that my suggested sizes were right. They thought that I should apparently be wearing clothes several sizes bigger than I'd ever worn in my life.

So I did the right thing and went and tried on a uniform to confirm sizes, and erred on the size of caution, and ordered a size bigger than I normally would on the top; two sizes bigger on the bottom because I am clambering in and out of trucks with enthusiasm, and I have already given the detailers too much to laugh at already, without my size-right-for-the-office-and-just-remaining-vertical-at-all-times-pants splitting when I leap upward from my vertically challenged position on the ground to drive a frigging 9 ton truck.

Except the pants are very nice and free and easy, with plenty of room of leaping skywards. Yesterday (Day One of Complete New Uniform) I wore the company belt on the low waisted pants but today I decided that it was a waste of time, and also of valuable seconds if I left peeing to the last second which I usually do because of how busy I am, and I left the belt off.

Oh No!

Apparently I am not as fat as I think I am. The pants without belt kept sliding down and I kept having to do the old 'hitch up and wiggle sideways and pretend nobody noticed' maneouvre. After the umpteenth time I got sick of it and offered an office sweepstake.

How many minutes until Kitty's pants decended around her ankles? There was a random factor injected by the fact that I was I was wearing nylon pantyhose underneath and the pants were also polyester so the 'cling on cling'  variable had to be considered.

Every so often I made sure that I pulled down my jacket and my vest so that the worst of the buttock infringement was concealed but I  was true to the rules of the enquiry and I did not pull up my pants until the waistband was touching my shoes. For those of you who would have betted, had you been there (and for those of you who have a spirit of scientific enquiry) the total time was 47 minutes.

So as not to dent my professional appearance in front of clients, I spent the last ten minutes in the back office, whilst awaiting the outcome of this all important scientific enquiry. In case you are wondering what conclusions can be drawn from this real life question and answer session, I can safely answer "Never wear polyester over polyester without a belt for ultimate professionalism. Or, committ to professional dress standards sans belt in short bursts only".

Don't you wish your company employed me?

I am klassy all the way.

My mouth needs to be rewired

We do a lot of paper work in my job. There's a lot of moving of vehicles from yard to yard, according to bookings, and therefore a lot of procedural forms to fill out in order to make sure the people doing said moving are accountable for the time and actions they are involved with. You know, to cover for insurance, potential speeding fines etc. In short, the tracking is formidable, detailed and fairly necessary to be immediate.

Regardless of how important these procedures are, this female should take time to slow her mouth down.

There are things that ANY female should NOT say in front of a room full of would-be truck hirers.

All known clients, all blue collar workers and eager to get on with their day now that their vehicle has arrived in the yard. 

Once the guy who brought it over has had the procedural paperwork signed off on.

Even if he is a bit impatient.

The statement "Ok, Gary, I'll do you now" is not the best way of announcing your willingness to attend to necessary paperwork.

It will, however, generate an enthusiastic agreement and an avowal that your particular yard is definitely worth visiting!

Monday, Monday

Not so bad a day today.

After a weekend off I don't feel so tired and I am getting the hang of things.

My day started with the opening up of the office and the yard at 6 am in the dark and then the driving down of trucks to a company that has us deliver them six every Monday am and pick them up every Friday pm so they don't have to pay weekend hire costs.. So much ferrying of trucks and appreciative comments from the waiting workers as I slid out of the truck cab in my working heels, skirt  and office makeup persona. I had to do this 3 times!

Then a delightful call from the HR lady about my uniform (God, I want those pants! It's 3 degrees in the morning and stockings don't cut it!). I sent her my measurements last week and apparently on those measurements I am a size  16 to 18. That's a lovely start to my working week, being informed  that I am suddenly two dress sizes bigger. I told her that I was never more than an a 14 in a wide range of clothing and that currently the skirt I was wearing was a 12. Apparently, they run one to two sizes bigger than you might think. I am not that fat!

Tomorrow I'll go and try and on some clothes so that we can get it right.

I had one funny incident today, when a guy returned a vehicle and  left a Mars Bar in the cab. We get a lot of lost property left behind in the trucks and you always have to call up and tell them they've left stuff behind and tag it so that they can pick it up. I greatly enjoyed that call to him, telling him that I'd tagged his Mars Bar and that he could pick it up at the front counter, provided he showed proper I.D.!

( think the boss ended up eating it. I don't like chocolate :)