IZZY FOREAL AT JAMIESONS RESTAURANT

JAMOZE GAZETTE

JAMOZE GAZETTE

SINCE 1788

SPECIAL 220^TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION

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Some Time in early January 1788:

A fleet of tall ships sails through the Tweed Heads, while a group of long-time West Tweed residents watch curiously from their tables at Jamieson’s Restaurant. On the menu that day there is Bunyip Burger, Cane Toad Canapés, Potato Scallops (which nobody touches), Stir-Fried Kangaroo Tails, Wallaby Au Gratin, Possum Chips and Aeroplane Jelly for dessert (as well as good old traditional Sticky Toffee Pudding).

Some very strange creatures called Poms alight from these tall ships when they dock near where the Cobaki Creek bridge now stands. Some are unkempt, foul-smelling and seemingly demented creatures, but the rest are convicts who have been transported to the home of the Bunyip for being naughty in their own country. The head invader, Prince Phillip (or something) steps ashore and declares all of the Seagulls car park terra nullius, with no recognisable intelligent inhabitants (a pretty accurate description that remains relevant for centuries to come). He is enamoured of the poker machines, however, and decides to claim The Tweed as an English possession. When he spies the crowd gathered at Jamieson’s, however, he nearly kacks his duds – a habit destined to be taken up by good cowards from that time on. He feels there is a need to negotiate, and so offers beads, baubles and suspicious-tasting flour as payment for this land as far as the eye can see.

The Jamieson’s crowd are in no mood for such negotiation. The bottle shop is about to close and last drinks have been called. They send this Phillip packing with a barrage of harsh words and colloquial euphemisms. He reloads his fellow invaders and they sail off elsewhere, leaving The Tweed and the Jamieson’s locals in peace for at least another century, when they are once again invaded by the descendants of this motley crew and their unwilling passengers (by this later time called tourists).

Later in January 1788: