23/1/2007 - Today's quote - W.C.Fields

More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

After good old Mae West yesterday, why not another quote from good old W.C.Fields today? Even though they played together only once (in My Little Chickadee, 1940), I can't think of two actors that better suited one another. Today's quote transcends the 'fun' bit and carries a message that is very true and very relevant.  

5/1/2007 - Today's oneliner - Homer Simpson

Of course, it's all just a matter of interpretation...

Here in France, no one calls me "fat jerk". I'm a "gourmand."

Homer Simpson

19/12/2006 - Today's quotes - Oscar Wilde

Some more quotes from the great Oscar Wilde, this time from his play Lady Windermere's fan:

'Many a woman has a past, but I am told that she has at least a dozen, and that they all fit.' - [The Duchess of Berwick]

'I prefer women with a past. They're always so demmed amusing to talk to.' - [Lord Augustus]

'It takes a thoroughly good woman to do a thoroughly stupid thing.' - [Lady Plymdale]

For more Oscar Wilde, see entry 12/12/2006

11/12/2006 - Today's quote - Mia Farrow on Woody Allen

Woody Allen didn't even buy sheets without talking to his psychiatrist. I know that several sessions went into his switch from polyester-satin to cotton.

Woody Allen was connected to his doctors like no one I ever heard of: he had a doctor for every single part of his body. Whenever one of his movies came out he'd have a screening for his doctors and their wives. It was called 'The Doctor's Screening' and the room was always full.

Mia Farrow on ex-lover Woody Allen, after he married her adopted daughter Soon-Yi who is 35 years younger than him.   

4/12/2006 - Today's oneliner - W.C.Fields

- Would you like to play golf with me?

- No, thanks, if I ever want to play with a prick, I'll play with my own.

W.C.Fields to his producer

27/11/2006 - Famous last words - Lady Astor

Lady Nancy Astor was born in America in 1879. After she divorced from her first husband, she came to Great-Britain in 1904. There she married Waldorf Astor, who was a conservative member of parliament. Curiously enough, husband and wive were born on the same day. When he succeeded to the title of Second Viscount Astor, after his father died in 1919, Lady Astor not only became Viscountess, she also took over his seat and thus she became the first woman in the British Parliament.

Lady Astor was well-known for her biting wit. When she lay on her death bed, she momentarily awoke to find herself surrounded by her entire family, which made her last words amongst her most witty and famous ones.

She was also notorious for her occasional verbal spats with Winston Churchill. When she was giving a costume ball and Churchill asked her what disguise she would recommend for him. She replied, 'Why don't you come sober, Mr Prime Minister?'"

Churchill often proved that he could be just as sharp as Lady Astor. The following anecdote is the most famous one:

Lady Astor: If you were my husband, I'd put arsenic in your coffee.

Churchill: Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it!

And here is one last example of her wit:

20/11/2006 - Today's quotes - Bette Davis, Joan Crawford, Tallulah Bankhead

Some good words to keep in mind next time you watch Whatever happened to Baby Jane?:

Bette Davis: I hate Joan Crawford. She couldn't act, she was a whore!

Interviewer: Miss Davis, excuse me. Miss Crawford was a great star and a great lady, besides which she is dead. You should never speak ill of the dead.

Bette Davis: Just because someone's dead doesn't mean they've changed!

Joan Crawford on Bette Davis.

Tallulah Bankhead on Bette Davis

16/11/2006 - Today's oneliner - Jennifer Saunders on Cher

2/11/2006 - Today's quote - Elizabeth Taylor

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

Elizabeth Taylor

2/11/2006 - Today's oneliner - Liberace

After a concert, a group of elderly female fans in the front row wants to shake hands with Liberace. When one of them proudly shows him her ring with huge diamond, the entertainer exclaims in his unmistakable squeaky voice:

'Oh, it's beautiful! It's always so nice to take the big one if you have the choice, isn't it?'

25/10/2006 - Today's quote - John Cheever

Art is the triumph over chaos

John Cheever (1912-1982), 'the Chekov of American post-war suburbia'

24/10/2006 - Today's oneliner - Tallulah Bankhead

- How do you envisage married life will be?

- Long and hard, dahling. Long and hard.

Hollywood actress Tallulah Bankhead (1902-1968) was camping things up before the word had even been invented.