DEADMAN TURNER

30 May 2007:
The Wilderness Society's Exemplary Conduct

I received the following notice in my mail-box today (along with a brochure which I tossed into the rubbish bin without reading): Some unthinking, narrow-minded people may consider that this notice smacks of hypocrisy: “after all,” these foolish boobs might say, “don’t people purchase ‘No Junk Mail’ stickers—often from The Wilderness Society—in the expectation that it will prevent all junk mail from infesting their letterboxes once affixed thereon?  Is it not hypocritical when an organisation, such as The Wilderness Society, which loudly and regularly calls for laws and regulations to be enforced in the cases of other people and corporations, is not itself prepared to comply with laws, regulations, rules and conventions?”   Sadly, these unreflective dopes fail to realise that The Wilderness Society and its members are special, and are fighting for what is right, and need not obey any direction from any authority or individual citizen which goes counter to their own deeply intuitive ideas. That The Wilderness Society is special, and right, and may therefore ignore anything it deems inconvenient does, of course, set an example for other special people to follow:  you too, if you are walking your dog, may allow it to crap on the footpath, and leave the turds there to inconvenience other pedestrians, in contravention of the law, if you think that you’re special and would rather not dispose of the faeces properly; you too, if you wish said canine to roam around the playground near the children playing, despite the signs announcing a prohibition of dogs’ being within ten meters of the slides and swings, and you think that you’re special, need only write a note saying so, and you may act as you list; if you wish to exceed the speed limits, to drive on the wrong side of the road, to take cuttings of plants from any public land, to nail signs to trees, to sell bottles of wine without adequate labelling to denote what sort of product be within and whether potentially lethal preservatives have been added thereto, to perform terminations of pregnancy in your kitchen, or, in short, if you wish to do absolutely anything which seems necessary or convenient or fun, and you think that you’re special and that the rules need not apply to you, just write a little note saying so and go right ahead. [added later:]  Some may query why The Wilderness Society—which, apparently, does not approve of logging trees only for them to be converted into paper which in turn is used for brochures and leaflets which are thrown into rubbish bins without their being read—still prints its propaganda when it would be far cheaper to publish on websites and to spend considerably less of their funds on then publicising its URLs.  The silly people who would pose such ridiculous questions are probably unable to see the subtle irony of The Wilderness Society’s wasting of resources which that organisation expects the public to appreciate and, then, to lament.

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