Tomorrow...

Is Going To Be A Hard Day

Tomorrow I am going to visit a friend. The last time I "saw" her was nearly 16 years ago. I've not had the chance to go back since; nor have I had the strength. I'm not sure if I have the strength now but something inside me says I have to go; says I need to go; says I have left it far too long. Something is telling me that if I don't go I will regret it. At this time each year I have always taken some time out to think about her - I'm not sure why this year is any different but there is something extra this time around.

Chances are I won't be able to stay long. Chances are I will only be able to sit for a few minutes. Chances are I will feel like talking but won't be able to - besides, it always feels strange talking when there is no one else around to respond. I know I need to apologise for staying away far too long - maybe that is one reason why I haven't been able to go before now - and I'm sure she will understand. But still I feel guilty. Here I have been, carrying on as if all is normal, for the last 16 years - doing things that she never had the opportunity to do. Is that selfish? After all, we shared so much once and we were so close. Life goes on though - well it has for me.

Several times I have driven past, have seen the sign, but have never gone in. I've always had the kids with me and, for some reason, feel as if it wouldn't be right to take them. Now, though, I wonder? I know the kids would find it all a bit strange  - maybe they are far too young yet to even try to understand - maybe in time they will. Maybe in time I can share them with her and vice versa.

Tomorrow, Fi, I will visit you. I've left it too long I know and I am sorry, but I will be there.

An earlier entry here - written way back in June 2006 - gives the first part of the "story".

http://www.blognow.com.au/cc1804/21139/Fi.html

Untitled Comment

8:17 PM, 12/3/2007 .. Posted by Rinny

What a heartbreaking story.
Good luck for tomorrow,CC.
Take care.

I feel like crying

10:11 AM, 13/3/2007 .. Posted by Worker

Your lose of a friend in such a way has made me feel empty sad and at a lose for words really. I can not image how it would of made you feel at the time or even now. I hope you are OK

Love and Hugs

12:19 PM, 13/3/2007 .. Posted by cherylgraham2

Lots of hugs CC and to Fi and her friends and family. It is so sad, so horribly sad.

Whether you visit her grave or not, you have never forgotten her and that is the main thing - you are still her friend.

There is a young lady in my town doing the same thing, she was such a beautiful girl. I saw her after not seeing her for 8 years and I didn't recognise her, as she was just so thin and obviously so sick because of her illness. Back when I was working she would request laxatives and I wouldn't sell them to her, but she would go else where for them. Her mother was so worried about her then and now I just can't imagine how her mother feels - I would be distraught with worry. What really made me so upset when I saw her last (I was visiting my work mates at the pharmacy) was that she was having a script dispensed for fluid tablets which had been written by a doctor. It is possible that she now needs the fluid tablets because her kidneys have been destroyed by her dieting or she is taking them to loose weight that she hasn't got. I wasn't working so it wasn't up to me, but if I was I would be phoning the doctor and checking out what was going on.

It is so sad, it is just such a sad waste of a life.

Lots of love and hugs,
Cheryl
XXXXX OOOO

Untitled Comment

4:12 PM, 13/3/2007 .. Posted by cc1804

Thanks rinny, worker and Cheryl - ((huggs)) for you all.
I often wonder what Fi would have been doing now if she were still alive - so unfair and such a waste of a wonderful person. :(

Oh Cheryl, it is hearbreaking to watch somebody slowly dying (for want of a better word) and to be so helpless and unable to help. I hope the lass you know does make it out the other side intact.