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Hello Bloggers... come in... sit down... make yourself comfortable... Please enjoy your visit to The Chat Room. * Extends right arm and welcomes you through the door * The genesis of Captain Straightman. Ted Hamilton & Moomba.Hi,  Ted Hamilton This chap is CEO of Newport Digital Technologies, in Hawthorn. He is, in conjunction with Wal-Mart, promoting WiMAX ,"the next generation of wireless broadband and radio frequency identification that will make barcodes obsolete". He is in the news not because of this astounding breakthrough, but because he is up on a jaywalking charge that goes to court in April, and he is going to fight this heinous slur on his professional standing to the bitter end. "Why do I need to know about this ?" I hear you ask. Well, the louche Ted was responsible for your introduction to the glamorous world of music performance, leading to the slippery slope of the dark dank & sticky(& until recently, smoky) dens of iniquity in which you now find yourself. In a previous life Ted was, and no doubt still is, a popular crooner, in the mould of Dennis Walter. For several years, he was the star attraction at the early Moomba (whitefella translation, ‘Big Bum’) festivals. There were two major stages for the band set-ups. One was a floating barge, on the sparkling Yarra (Melbourne’s equivalent of the Blue Danube) with a couple of gigantic Marshall stacks onboard, which continually cruised up & down the waterway, propelled by a crew of jolly tars. (On windless days they were obliged to lay on with the windlass, but I digress). The other stage was set up on the grass, with equally enormous bins at ground level in front of the stage. Mrs Betelboi and I always used to go to these shows because they were free, and we were cheap. So was Ted, I think, and that’s why he got the gig. We always took you along (well, we could hardly leave you Home Alone, to terrify innocent burglars simply going about their job). This was before your little brother, Lance-Corporal Straightman, was born, so obviously you were very young. Before the magnificent Ted came on, crowd-pleasing music was played through the p.a. It was usually mundane, but danceable. The breathless crowd were on the edge of their seats, or rather their picnic rugs, waiting for the appearance of the great man. Ted was known not only for his impressive voice, but also for his buff physique & charisma. Sort of the Johnny Depp of his day. Your mother was rather smitten by this human dynamo, and in fact, I think, the main mover of our annual appearance at this Sunbury Music Festival precursor. The crowd were slightly bored & restless, waiting for action. But not for long. Even at this tender age you had a highly developed sense of rhythm. I put this down to your exposure from birth to your old man’s Bobby Boris Pickett albums, played on one of those quaint old machines with a needle and one of those big black round things.I can’t remember exactly, but I think it had a wind-up handle. (Anyone interested in viewing one of these contraptions need only check out the next episode of the Bedrock Chronicles. If you peer carefully into Barney Rubbles computer room at the back of the cave, you should catch a glimpse of one of these ancient yet fascinating devices). You would toddle up to the very front of the stage, and dance to the pre-concert music. The audience (who, to be fair, had nothing else to look at) gave you tremendous applause. And it was a very large crowd, far larger than you would find at the Espy or the Prince. Strangely, no one else, of any age, ever got up & joined this nefarious nipper in his one-kid mosh pit. Perhaps they were intimidated by your your vigorous slam-dancing, and menacing Iggy Pop demeanour. Whatever, the audience were tremendously enthusiastic in their reaction. Poor old Ted ,the headliner (probably not that old, but he seemed that way to me , a young parent & father, at the time) as often happens, was upstaged by the support act, as judged by the audience reaction. A seasoned trouper, Ted put a brave face on this annual occurrence, and always(but in a rather condescending tone & through gritted teeth) bellowed "Let’s give the little kid a big hand", and they did. Unfortunately, the level of applause for Ted’s own heartfelt (and I’m sure, skilled) performance never matched that of the interloper. In my own heart I am sure that poor Ted let this affect his promising career, & he has always blamed that tedious tyke for blighting his life. He was sometimes heard to mumble "I coulda been a contender¡" as he shuffled his pathetic way through the seedy back alleys of Melbourne. No trendy bars or designer graffiti there in those days, just garbage bins, urine & despair. Rumour has it that annually at concert time he would keenly scan the crowd, and plot ways to nobble his nemesis, the roguish rug-rat, the arcane ankle-biter who had cruelly prevented Ted from reaching his true potential. However, the precocious brat was too well protected by the supportive crowd,who, as the years went by, subtly indicated to Ted that, actually, if he cared not to turn up at all, they still would. Many of these folk went out of their way to assure the pesky pint-sized pontificator that "you have a career in music ahead of you, kid", and so it came to pass, sort of. But Ted was not washed up entirely. "The show must go on," he told his wounded pride, "break a leg". ( I have never understood what that means, but it is often quoted in a showbiz context).He had a bit part in "The Pirate Movie" & a few soapy walk-ons, but his glory days were behind him. He eventually gave up the biz for the glamorous world of commerce, and in fact owes it to you that he holds the prestigious position in the business world that he has today. However, as he cruises the mean streets of the CBD in his stretch limo he is always looking for that face (and buck teeth) that is forever burned into his brain. He has murder in his heart, and swears that "one day, vengeance will be mine, and that unctuous urchin will pay with his life". So, take your old man’s advice, keep away from limos, and alleys. At the time of these historic events, we, as young parents, could not afford a box brownie, (Mrs Betelboi was a trainee nurse. I was then a trainee lineman for the PMG, at starvation apprentice wages, I was prepared to suffer this for the glory years that followed. Another story.) So no photographic record exists of the triumph of the ebullient elf or the humiliation of the high profile business tycoon we know so well. Coda. The malevolent Munchkin went on to fulfil his destiny,and become Angry Andy, starring in that prestigious hamburgler ad. on the teev, blowing death-metal bagpipe. For this he called on his previous experience in Rose Tattoo, and the famous gig he did on the back of a flatbed truck,all those years ago. Sadly, he never again reached the heights of adulation of the Moomba period, but got close to it in his time fronting The Reggies. Can't find me? Try hereFlat Out Like A Lizard DrinkingSending a Message to the KiddiesI caught a glimpse of a current affairs program last night. It was about a former childrens show (http://www.hi-5.com.au/swf/home.html) host/member who has decided to change her profile by posing in Ralph magazine (http://ralph.ninemsn.com.au/).Normally this wouldn't interest me. I consider the Hi-5 show to be a bit of rubbish, much the same as Ralph magazine. However, during the spot on the current affairs program, some person stated that for this girl to be posing in a mens magazine sends a wrong message to children...this came from Women's Forum Australia spokeperson Melinda Tankard Reist. Her words: "It's an abuse of her position with tens of thousands of little girls looking up to her" "The fact she's posed on a cover is particularly problematic because magazines like Ralph are on shop shelves at kiddy eye level." "There is no escaping the message she is sending to little girls, that posing in a men's magazine in a soft-porn style is something to aspire to." First up, I am yet to see a child of the demographic that Hi-5 relates to reading Ralph magazine. Secondly, if a child is reading Ralph, then they have far more 'wrong messages' entering their heads than a photo shoot of a former kids show host. Thirdly, if you are in a newsagent with a toddler, isn't it the parents' responsibility to ensure their 'kiddie' is NOT browsing the soft porn shelves? And finally, the woman is 34 years old. What right does anyone have to condemn her decision? In her words: "After working in children's television for 10 years, and always being pinned into your clothes so no one can see your belly button if you lift your hands up, and always having your cleavage covered, and me being the tomboy of the three girls, it was something I did for myself to remind myself that I am a woman." I guess there is a dearth of real news about at the moment, else we'd be hearing more about CEO thieves, rather than the career choices of small time stars. The news piece I've sourced the quotes from is here: http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/story/0,28383,25355406-10229,00.html An Economic Stimulus Stares You In The FaceHere's a thought. If you had a Primary Industry that generated USD113 BILLION Dollars in retails sales yearly, you probably wouldn't have much of an economic crisis...well, it'd be a little less dramatic than the so called crisis we're supposedly in.For those who are unaware, there is currently a huge push in the United States to legalise and tax Cannabis much the same way as alcoholic beverages are taxed. It's not just the pro-pot organisations either. There are many business groups, politicians and other mobs on board as well. In Australia, we have more smokers per capita than the US. Food for thought. Here are a few links: The Hill Blog QUOTE According to a 2005 analysis by Harvard University senior lecturer Jeffrey Miron — and endorsed by over 500 distinguished economists — replacing pot prohibition with a system of taxation and regulation similar to that used for alcohol would produce combined savings and tax revenues of between $10 billion and $14 billion per year. A separate economic analysis, conducted by George Mason University professor Jon Gettman in 2007, estimates that the total amount of tax revenue derived from cannabis could be far higher. According to Gettman, the retail value of the total U.S. marijuana market now stands at a whopping $113 billion per year. Using standard tax percentages obtained from the Office of Management and Budget, he calculates that the diversion of this market from the taxable economy deprives taxpayers of $31.1 billion annually. For local and state governments, taxing and regulating pot could help reduce growing deficits. For instance, in Oakland, California the City Council gave preliminary approval last week to a proposal to raise the business tax paid by city-licensed medical marijuana dispensary operators. Council members estimate that the new tax will raise anywhere from $400,000 to a “couple million” dollars annually. END QUOTE QUOTE More than 100,000 questions were submitted, with the idea Obama would answer those that were most popular. But after 3.6 million votes were cast, one of the top questions turned out to be a query on whether legalizing marijuana might stimulate the economy by allowing the government to regulate and tax the drug. END QUOTE
Even Time Magazine is on the band-wagon.
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