So I have coffee with this 3rd guy.  Now he and I have been talking endlessly on the phone and we really get on so I think there may be something really interesting here.

But when I meet him I just know - its a no.  No he looks like his photo.  Dresses well.  But well, I think he's just looking for a friend ... no I don't think he's looking for a friend, I think he's been out of a relationship for so long & is so anxious about it, that all he can bear to commit to is a 'friend .... a long friendship and let's see where it goes'.  I can hear myself getting older here ... waiting for this friendship to perhaps bloom into something of significance.  The only bloom I can see here all these wonderful flowers on top of my coffin in about 30 years time: somethings can take that long to bloom you know.

Umm, this person was intriguing.  I had met that person a couple of days before I met my ex (not that I have a great memory of meeting him at the time, but I did), and within a day of breaking up, I meet this guy again.

Maybe this is a kismet moment.  Don't know.  Will have coffee again and see what happens.  But why is he on the shelf?  Never married.  No kids.  50's.  Is there something wrong with him? 

Is he a secret drinker?  Does he have a secret vice that everyone else in the world knows about but I don't?  I suppose his redemption is me ... I don't have kids, I'm on the shelf.  I'm a very genuine person, with no secret vices so I have to give him the benefit of the doubt. 

First guy I meet (and this is after culling several before him).

Spent years living in a monastery ... in fact spent most of his adult life there.  Kind of cuts out 'common experiences' like "do you remember the David Bowie concert when ...". 

As he said when we were parting.  Loved having coffee with you but I don't sense a connection.  Never was anything truer said!!!!

So I go onto a web dating site myself.

Fabulous photo (like its very realisitic and true to me).  Lucid summary about who I am and what I am looking for. 

And I wait. 

And this is what happens .....

Hi,

Nearly 1.5 years ago I started going out with a man who was 51 years old, with 2 little children, still in a property dispute with his ex, not divorced, married twice.  Not rich.  Not handsome.  Not without baggage.  But likeable and with many good qualities. 

We went out exclusively - we discussed our values and found much in the way of similarity.  Enjoyed doing the same things (with a few minor exceptions).  During that time he had some extremely trying times, and I was his main support.  He was my main support too.  Basically we spoke at least once a day, saw each other 4 times a week.  I got really involved with his kids - Saturday sports commitments, birthday parties .. in other words the kiddie works. 

All going well.  Happy.  Then I discover that he is on a web dating site.  I say I don't like it (politely).  Six weeks later he's still there.  I break it off.

Initially he holds me to blame for 'checking up on him' but eventually the supposed truth comes out ... wants to see if dating someone else will give him clarity about his feelings for me.  Is that for real?  Is that even vaguely sane?  Says apart from his uncertainity about his feelings everything else was perfect ... which is why he didn't want to break it off with me. 

Here is a 50+ man with 2 little kids with a girlfriend who doesn't have kids of her own (hence its not a burden to him), she's attractive, slim, well educated, easy going and owns her own house.  Loves him and his kids.  And he thinks he's going to do better?

Talk about vanity.  Tickets on yourself.