Description
Born: 24th October 2006;
Died: 22nd December 2006;
Aged 8 weeks and 3 days old.
"Our Sweet Princess"
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Four Months
I remember this day 4 months ago. You were here, you were with me, and it was a nice day. Poor Boyd got his immunisation, you had a snuffle - but we were together.
I am having such a bad moment right now. I feel so much guilt. and logically i know its not myfault, but as your mummy I should have saved you. I shouldnt have gone to sleep that night. I should have been there to save you, I just would give anything for it to be the 21/12 now, not the 21/4 - that day was so wonderful - and I would make sure I didnt sleep. I would make sure that you were ok, and at the first sign I would have called 000 - I just miss you and I want you back so badly.
I looked at your clothes, at the dress I loved you in the most - its so tiny, and you looked so beautiful in it. You were going to grow into the most adorable woman.
I hate this, I hate that I miss you so much. I shouldnt need to miss you. You should be here. I just want you - I would swap almost anything to have you back.
I am home alone, Daddy is working, Boyd is at Poppys house, and I shouldnt be alone. You should be here. Your crib shouldnt be empty (actually it shoud, but I should have a cot here too). I shouldnt still have) 0000 clothes in the drawers. You would be at least 000 now - you were such a tiny little girl.
Being alone is when it hits the most. I seem to break down when I am alone, I guess thats why I try not to be.
I looked at photos of Boyds birth the other day, you were more alike than I saw when you were alive. You and Boyd were most def siblings. So many pictures now I see you in him.
Please know I never wanted this. I want you here and If there was ANYTHING i could have done, I would have - if I had known.
I love you so much and it hurts everyday
xoxo |
Posted: 11:51 AM, 21/4/2007 |
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Dear M,
Reading this breaks my heart :( Gosh I hope that you have a lot of supportive friends around you.
Know that you are being thought of A LOT by me and I am sure sooo many others. I know it makes no difference. I wish I could do more.
Vanessa (from Adelaide). xx |
Posted by Anonymous at 12:44 PM, 28/4/2007 |
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Michelle,
Everytime I read your blog I am in tears. Its me again the lady you met breifly at your home, my name is Jan. I am so sorry that you go through this and have to feel these feelings. I know there are no words to I can say to ease your pain. I just think if it was me I would want to hold onto every memory, moment, item that reminded me of my child.
I had a really bad day the other day, we had bad financial news and again, you and your family popped into my head. I put my chin up, took a deep breath and said, this is not the worst thing, it is not so bad, we will get through this.
I don't know the way forward for you but your blog is certainly a good tool for your grief. I am sure your beautiful angel would not want you to suffer anymore, I am sure she wants her Mummy to smile...
JJ |
Posted by JJ at 3:48 PM, 29/4/2007 |
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Your beautiful daughter
I don't know you. I cannot begin to understand your pain. I think of you every day and wonder how you are going.
I am sorry that you have to go through the loss of a child.
I first came to know about your loss when EB members were remembering your daughter in their signatures. I do check on you from time to time and I apologise for the intrusion.
Just know that a complete stranger from another state in Australia thinks about you. You come across as a brave and strong woman dealing with the unimaginable.
Take care,
Angela |
Posted by Anonymous at 10:00 PM, 29/4/2007 |
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