Description
Born: 24th October 2006;
Died: 22nd December 2006;
Aged 8 weeks and 3 days old.
"Our Sweet Princess"
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Life Keeps On
I dont have much time, life has gotten hectic. But I wanted to come on here and have a chance to tell people how things are going.
As I said I was going back to work one day a week. That has since turned into almost full time work when another job offer came up. That has kept me really busy, and missing Boyd alot. Financially though it has been needed.
I fell pregnant in early March, which was just so exciting - until I started to bleed a lot and found out my HCG levels had dropped so low that there was no chance that there was a baby. I was about 6 weeks when this happened.
Nick and I are shattered. For me it has opened up a lot of "old" wounds. I have been pregnant 3 times now and only have one child here with me to hug and kiss. I hope that the next pregnancy sticks and is uneventful.... as I am sure all mothers do.
There isnt too much more to say at the moment really. Just wanted to add those notes in. I have been having moments lately where I remember very vivedly that morning I found her gone. The way she look, felt, smelt. God I miss her so much. I look at her things and at photos of her and it really hurts. It hurts to see other little baby girls and think what I should have right now. Where I am meant to be at in my life.
To the author of the last comment from my last entry - if you read this, thank you. That day was one of the hardest I have had in a while. It was also the day I found out I was preg to the baby I just lost. I am sorry that I was unable to actually talk to you - but I am jealous of what you have. I want my baby girl, and to be completley honest I was upset that there was another baby in Ashleighs home. I hope that you in no way felt turned away, and I hope when I am able to attend another meeting that I will get to meet you properly.
xoxo
M
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Posted: 7:51 PM, 4/4/2007 |
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Untitled Comment
Dear Michelle,
I know that my words will make no difference in your life but I wanted to say 'something'. I just read your blog for the first time I am just so so sorry. It shouldn't be happening to you. It is just all so very wrong. Your daughter was, and still is (I have to believe that) beautiful. I agree with you when you say you have to be allowed to express and feel what you feel ~ they are your thoughts and you are entitled to them. Having said that, your baby's death is not your fault ~ I hope that one day, you reach the point where you 'feel' that, where you don't doubt that. If this had happened to somebody you knew or loved, would you blame them? I doubt that you would.
I hope with my all that you reach a point in your life where you can think of Ashleigh and smile and feel proud that you brought something so beautiful into this world. I don't think it will ever be easy but I hope it will become 'easier'. I will never understand what you are going through ~ in all honesty, I don't ever want to because that would mean the unimaginable for me.
Thinking of you and your family, Vanessa x |
Posted by Anonymous at 10:44 AM, 14/4/2007 |
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