Description
Born: 24th October 2006;
Died: 22nd December 2006;
Aged 8 weeks and 3 days old.
"Our Sweet Princess"
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Its Been TOO Long
Yesterday was 8 weeks since Ashleigh left our world. Eight whole weeks since our universe was turned upside down and shaken til we couldnt take it anymore.
I wished for nothing more than her to come home, I wish for nothing more. I understand it is impossible, but that is all I want.
I want to have another baby, but yesterday - of all days - became cycle day one. 8 weeks after she left, and 5 weeks after the last. I had hoped that she had sent me another one, something positive to put to this year. 2007 has not been a good year. I know she didnt die in 2007 but her funeral was in 2007 and so far nothing good has happened. We have had nothing but bad luck.
2006 was Ashleigh's year. She was conceived, born and died. I hate that. I hate that I have to say that my baby is DEAD. What a horrible rotten word. Why cant it be softer, why cant it be easier to say and to think.
I cant keep feeling so blue every day. I cant keep feeling like someone has hit me in the stomach and run me over with a car. Its not good for me, for Nick or for Boyd. I just miss my angel more than anything. I wish I had said good bye, I wish that I wasnt sleeping and had gotten to her sooner. I feel like this is all my fault, and every time I try to say that to anyone they dismiss it - they never just let me say what I want to say, they tell me no its not and crap like that. Its how I feel. You cant tell me that I feel wrongly. I feel guilt, and I feel like I should have stopped it. I am her Mother and I couldnt protect her.
This stuff is so hard to write - I might have to continue another day.
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Posted: 11:15 AM, 17/2/2007 |
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| Could I just say that counselling would help. All the things you want to say will be heard if you attend counselling. Don't try to do this by yourself you need help and guidance. Friends can only say so much to help you. Take care. God Bless. |
Posted by Anonymous at 9:05 AM, 18/2/2007 |
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HUGS
Mich,
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<br>I still think of you and Ashleigh every day. Big HUGS to you, even though everyday is supposed to get easier, there are some that are worse than ever.
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<br>Love always,
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<br>Mish
<br>xoxox |
Posted by Mish at 4:12 PM, 25/2/2007 |
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