Description
Born: 24th October 2006;
Died: 22nd December 2006;
Aged 8 weeks and 3 days old.
"Our Sweet Princess"
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The Story
I guess I had better start this from the beginning...It was the 4th of March 2006. I did the HPT (Home Pregnancy Test) and within 20 seconds it was positive. I didnt actually need to test to tell me though, I already knew.
It was a bit of a shock. We were trying, to a point, but had decided about a week before that perhaps we should leave it a few months and I go back to work for a while. This changed those plans and we decided I would do temp work for 3-6 months.
My due date was confirmed to be the 10th November 2006. I was so excited. The scans all went well and at the 20 week scan we were told we were expecting a baby girl. I was over the moon. I dont quite know what it is about having a daughter, but it was something I really wanted to experience.
The only problem I had through the pregnacy was quite late on (after 33 weeks) it was thought perhaps the baby was small. I had another scan and no, she was almost right on the money for dates.
My c-section was booked for the 2nd November and things were good. Then, my due date changed (I think it was an error on the doctors part) and I worried about the baby coming too early for the c-section. Nicks mum was booked to have a major surgery on the same date also, so we decided to bring the c-section forward by a week and a half. Ashleigh was born on the 24th October 2006, weighing a healthy 6lb 13oz. She as perfect in every way.
After a smooth pregnancy and delivery I was thrilled to find I had a very happy and content perfect angel.
In reality, I know that life had ups and downs over the next few weeks. However, as I look back I only see happy times. It was an adjustment getting used to having 2 kidlets, but we wouldnt have traded it for anything. 
After that we did some more Christmas shopping. It was a rainy day - quite warm, but rainy. That night we had tea, and a friend came around to meet Ashleigh and to see us.  Boyd went to bed as normal. He was at that stage starting the night in his "choo choo" bed and coming into our bed later on. At about 10.45 that said friend thought she had better go. We got ready for bed. As Ashleigh wasnt well, I fed her and laid her next to me in the bed. It was about midnight once all that had happend. Im not sure what the time was, but I beleive it was about 1am when Boyd wandered in. He (for some strange reason) wanted to be next to me. So, I moved Ashleigh to between Nick and I and Boyd climbed in. I am almost 100% certain that she was fine at that stage. I picked her up and slid her over me, I am sure I would have noticed if something was wrong. I laid her on top of the quilt and she was wearing a nappy and a singlet as she was still a bit on the warm side.
It took about 10 mins for the ambualnce to get here. Until they specifically said to me stop we are taking over I kept going. They pronounced her dead at 5.18am on the 22nd December 2006.  I can tell you now, that date will haunt me until the day I die.
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Posted: 8:33 PM, 22/1/2007 |
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Ashleigh Elizabeth
Michelle, I am touched by your first entry. It is so incredibly real and honest and heartbreaking. If I try to place my mind to where you went early that morning the tears well up straight away.
Sending you much love, as always. Love to Nick and huge hugs and kisses to Boyd. He will always have a protector with him. She is a beautiful little girl and will always remain pure and innocent. Too beautiful for this world.
xxxxx
Love Jane
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Posted by Anonymous at 10:45 PM, 24/1/2007 |
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Ashleigh
Mich I am so terribly sorry for what has happened.
I sit here in tears after reading Ashleigh's story, but it is one that needs to be told.
You are in my heart, always.
Mish
xoxoxox |
Posted by Michelle at 8:06 AM, 25/1/2007 |
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Oh how nice it would be to not have to have this blog Michelle...
I hope that it brings you comfort in your darkest hours, and allows you to find smiles in the not so dark.
Ashleigh was such a gorgeous little girl.
More tears being shed here for you all.
love Shibrone xx |
Posted by Anonymous at 9:13 AM, 25/1/2007 |
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Michelle. Reading through these moments with you is totally heartbreaking all over again. I am so very sorry that you had to loose her like this. But saying sorry isn't enough i know. You shouldn't be going through this, I just hope that being able to write it down may help ease some of the pain.
xxx Clair |
Posted by Anonymous at 10:12 AM, 26/1/2007 |
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Mich
Just wanted you to know that you, Nick and Boyd are in our thoughts, just as Ashleigh will always be.
Ashleighs blog is heartbreaking to read, but at the same time, the love, honesty and depth of feeling that you portray throughout is awesome.
Hugs to you all.
Soph xoxo |
Posted by Anonymous at 10:38 PM, 30/1/2007 |
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| I came across your blog through Essential Baby Forum. I had tears falling down my face reading your beautiful little girls story. She is absolutely gorgeous...always will be. Sometimes it's hard to understand why things happen. I am so sorry for you and your husband and beautiful little boy. |
Posted by Anonymous at 3:09 PM, 11/4/2007 |
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Ashleigh
I can't tell you how much reading Ashleigh's story hurt my heart. My niece passed away when she was 4 months old and reading your story and seeing the photos was so painful and made it feel like it was only yesterday that she left us. Ashleigh is so beautiful. I have nothing to say that will help you, but just know that Ashleigh is now in my heart as well.
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Posted by Anonymous at 9:15 PM, 17/5/2007 |
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Darling Girl
I'm so sorry for your loss. I read your story and my heart sank. I couldn't have imagined what it has been like for you. Your story was so touching and heart felt. Hearing a story like yours opens my eyes to how lucky we have been.
All the best with the future. |
Posted by Sharon at 6:54 PM, 4/8/2007 |
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Sorry to hear of your loss
Hey i just read your story and want to send you strength and courage and if there is anything i can do for u just let me know even if u just want someone to listen i will always have an ear
big hugs to you if u ever need a chat im vjsmummy from eb and my msn is leo_babe83@hotmail.com |
Posted by Chantelle at 7:42 PM, 4/8/2007 |
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Michelle,
Ihave been sitting here reading about you and your dear little Ashleigh with the tears flowing.
I last saw you at Rebeccas place in Jan 06, when you showed us all your beautiful pics of your little angel. I thought of you when I returned to Canberra a week or so later, only to hear of the death of another ABA counsellors 4yr old son, Will, in mid- Jan, of possible undiagnosed diabetes. It was so sad; about 20 ABA counsellors and members attended his funeral, and it brought back all my memories of my daughters funeral in 2005.
I sent you an email last year but don't know if it ever reached you- I used the email addy off the local group bulletin- but may it not have been current.
You must be feeling so terrible, to not only lose your precious baby, but a further 2 losses in pregnancy. It must be sort-of comforting to have Nick realise the huge emotional trauma you have gone, and are going thru.
I feel for you with your sense of guilt, having gone thru those same if onlys myself. Amanda, Will's mum, is feeling the same, too.
Every day, there is that huge feeling of loss; it never goes away, just changes its intensity and dimensions. After 2 years, I cry less, but so many things can trigger off tears, as you know. As it has only been a year for you, that gaping hole in your heart is still feeling so raw, so keep on being gentle with yourself.
I'd like to know how you're going now. About moving house, and if you have been successful in starting another baby.
Warm hugs to you and your family,
Chris. |
Posted by Chris Marsham at 12:29 PM, 5/1/2008 |
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I came across your blog in the essential baby forum.
The tears are still flowing down my cheeks after reading about your little angel, what a cruel and utterly heart breaking experience for you all to go through.
My heart goes out to you all, warm hugs & best wishes
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Posted by Anonymous at 9:37 AM, 3/3/2008 |
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shes so beautiful
What a beatiful little angel,obviouly god thought 2 perfect 4 this world. I wish u the best in healing and and with ur new pregnancy.
This is such a crule, horrible happening i wish it never happened 2 ur princess. |
Posted by Anonymous at 10:34 AM, 22/4/2008 |
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Your gorgeous angel
| Oh what a heartbreaking story. And what a gorgeous little girl. Bless you and your family, I am in awe of your strength to get through this awful, awful time. Too cruel - noone should have to go through this ever. Hugs to you all, I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. |
Posted by Anonymous at 11:51 PM, 24/9/2008 |
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