It all started in may 2006. I met online, a yet-to-be-seen brunette beauty by the name of Limo. Her wit and intelligence leapt off the page as soon as I saw her message. My initial message described myself, among other things, as a part time greenie. She asked; "do I plant trees three days a week and cut them down on the other four". This may not seem to be very interesting for most people, but for a shy, socially anxious person as myself, it was an event to behold. It was a simultaneous explosion of excitement and fun and the need for favourable acceptance completed in this new (for me) online romance parlour. It was my first message ever and I was stoked.

To most people, this is a simple exercise in human relations, but for me, it was a leap out of my comfort zone. At 43 years of age, I am a sufferer of social anxiety. It is actually a poorly know syndrome affecting up to 3% of the population at any one time. It began to manifest itself when I was 12 years old, and since then I have led a life of denial and of just getting by.

My reabilitation has just begun, thanks to this beautiful professional from Dubbo, NSW, for more or less rejecting me. She really did me a favour. It was probably her ignorance of my physical tendencies during anxiety that led to the destruction of our relationship that never really began in the first place. I don`t  hold any blame or malice toward her at all. Even though I believe I am an intellect equal to her, she rises a few rungs up the Darwinian ladder when social skills are added to the mix.

Our online chatting really struck a chord with me and I would think of precious else. I would go about my day compiling the next note to Limo in my head until it was perfect in my eyes. Two and a half months went by with Limo and I sending notes back and forth. The mood  of the writing waxing and waning as our lives ground on. Limos notes were few and far between in my eyes. I could have read one a day easily and still had want for more. I told her that her notes made me smile on the inside and out. I still stand by that description of what they did for my soul.

The day of reckoning approached slowly and unfalteringly. It seemed to take forever, but in reality it came too soon for this fragile online relationship. Limo suggested that I come for lunch at Coonabarabran. I accepted instantly in my head, unknowing that our tenuous friendship wasn`t quite prepared for my social anxiety. She wasn`t to know. How could she know? In my messages, the real, passionate, loving, needy jethro was at her literary disposal.

The knot in my stomach started about two days out from the lunch. I was adamant I wouldn`t let her know what I was feeling because I`m led to believe that women prefer confidence in their man. Social anxiety doesn`t really allow this to blossom on the first date.

As I arrived in Coonabarabran, the manifestations of social anxiety began. My whole intestines were tied in a knot, my heart was thumping everywhere in my body (except my genitals) and I wanted to get the hell out of there asap. I needed alcohol quick. After two beers I was slightly better, just freezing cold. Probably a bad mix for a first date. I watched the clock on the pub wall tick down to 5 minutes to 1pm. I strode purposefully toward her office, hoping that a focussed mind would turn me from a walking statue into the funny, passionate guy that I really am. Thankfully, she wasn`t there at first. It gave me time to adjust and try to calm down in her spartan office. God only knows what the fairly ordinary looking secretary was thinking. I quickly wondered if she was in on the whole deal. It was too late for anymore thinking as Limo literally burst through the door in her can-do now style, and in an instant she grabbed me and gave me a rather hurried embrace. She did appear a little nervous at first, but I think she calmed down pretty quicky after she saw I was a walking anxiety statue.

Limo is a beautiful woman. A rounded face with ever so slightly chubby cheeks. Her facial features are delicate and smallish, especially her nose, which is in contrast to mine. When she pursed her lips I could see the toughness of her character reveal itself. I liked her immediately.