Yep, Australian taxpayers are footing the bill for the Queen’s four day visit to open the Commonwealth Games. That’s right kids, 3 million dollars of our money so one of the richest people on the planet can have a holiday. Obviously, this pisses me off more than usual because I find the idea of hereditary leaders to be particularly offensive.

How can it cost 3 million dollars, you might ask? Well, ‘She Who Says One a Lot’ brings with her an entire contingent of sycophants and ass wipers. She also has special toilet paper requirements, which I understand constitutes half the budget for the trip. Apparently, one cannot go number two without one’s super soft, gold leafed multi-ply for one’s royal and superior posterior. I call on all right minded Australians working in her hotel to furnish her royal suite with that cheap, nasty, recycled and sandpapery single-ply you find in public bathrooms. That’ll learn her.

When the republic vote came around a few years ago, I voted no because I felt the changes were merely cosmetic and symbolic, so what’s the point. Needless to say, the next time the republic vote swings around, I’ll be ticking the fuck yes box.