AgnosticReligion

Manna

[ LukeF: 9:39 AM, 13/7/2006 ] [ 3 comments ] [ Link ]

Manna - What is it? That's what it is. What?

There must be jokes in Hebrew about that.

Anyway, God brought the plagues to Egypt. Finally Pharaoh's had enough, orders the Israelites out, chases them with his army, and get swamped by the red sea. There's a movie about it. Actually, a recent Disney animation movie too, called Prince of Egypt, which I'm told follows the Old Testament pretty closely.

Well, then they're in the wilderness. How wonderfully human it is that after being miraculously delivered from the Egyptian army and freed from slavery, the Israelites turn on Moses and Aaron and give them a hard time about a lack of food.

God promises to rain bread from heaven. Now, I had a wonderful image in my head of thousands of great crusty loaves falling from the sky, bouncing off the Israelites as they ran about with their arms over their heads. Disappointingly, they just go out in the morning and pick it up off the ground (calling it "Manna").

There's an interesting injunction on observing the Sabbath bound up in collecting the bread. Next entry - days of rest.

Python-esque Plagues

[ LukeF: 11:19 AM, 4/7/2006 ] [ 1 comments ] [ Link ]

See plonka for interesting (and far more edifying) ideas about the plagues of Egypt, and their possible causes.

Anyway, Moses convinces the elder Israelis that it's time to go. Pharaoh's next, and he doesn't convince so easily. In fact, Moses only succeeds in convincing Pharaoh that if the Hebrews have enough time to complain, they can't have enough work. There follows a lot of detail on bricks and straw and how the Hebrews get straw for making bricks, which I'm not sure the cornerstone of Christianity really needs to have in it. In a sentence, Pharaoh makes more work for Hebrews.

There follows a Punch & Judy show, where God has his hand up the back of both Moses and Pharaoh, orchestrating stage effects in between.

God uses Moses to issue a series of ultimatums to Pharaoh - let the Hebrews go, or cop a plague. God then makes Pharaoh refuse each ultimatum so that God can show off with yet another plague on Egypt.

Ten plagues in total - frogs, bloody rivers, lice, flies, hail, locusts, burn-inducing rain, interminable darkness, dead cows, dead kids.

Let me say - threatening to smite Egypt with frogs has all the oblique comic genius of 'Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!'.

As usual, more to come...

Exodus 4:24-26 - Wot da?

[ LukeF: 12:38 PM, 28/6/2006 ] [ 2 comments ] [ Link ]

Exodus 4 has one of the most confusing passages I've read so far. Moses & family are going back to Midian to carry out God's orders.

From King James:

24 And it came to pass by the way in the inn, that the LORD met him, and sought to kill him.

25 Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband art thou to me.

26 So he let him go: then she said, A bloody husband thou art, because of the circumcision.

From the New International:

24 At a lodging place on the way, the LORD met {Moses}[a] and was about to kill him. 25 But Zipporah took a flint knife, cut off her son's foreskin and touched {Moses'} feet with it. "Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me," she said. 26 So the LORD let him alone. (At that time she said "bridegroom of blood," referring to circumcision.)
[a]:Exodus 4:24 OR {Moses son}; Hebrew him

A search reveals that the general interpretation is that Moses had failed to circumsise his son, and God was killing him slowly for it, to make a point over it. Zipporah saves the day with a sharp stone, but is still cranky with Moses. This is an ugly page, but has a reasonably good explanation.

Moses, Exodus 1-4

[ LukeF: 12:04 PM, 28/6/2006 ] [ 2 comments ] [ Link ]

I've got a recording of 'It Ain't Necessarily So', sung by Paul Robeson. It implies that finding Moses in the reeds was a convenient story for Pharaoh's daughter to cover an inconvenient pregnancy.

Anyway, there he was, a little baby floating in the river. He's raised in Pharaoh's household. In Egypt the tables have turned and the Hebrews are getting it good from the Egyptians.

When he's grown, Moses kills an Egyptian for beating on a Hebrew, discovers his crime is generally known, and heads for the hills. He meets a priest, and a priest's daughter, gets married and gets on with life. Then one day he sees a burning bush.

The Burning Bush of great fame! It's so comforting to get to bits of the Bible I've heard about.

He has a conversation with God via the burning bush (bush telephone? Har HAR!).

God commands Moses to let the Hebrew elders know that God says it's time to head for the land of milk and honey. CC: Pharaoh while you're at it.

They wont believe me, says Moses.

Aha, says God. What if I give you a special stick that turns into a snake and a hand that alternates from being leprous to healthy at your command?

Moses: Well, I'm not that eloquent, you see.

God: I'll speak through you!

Moses: Can't you send someone else?

God cracks it and says that Moses' brother Aaron can do all the talking, and Moses can do all the tricks.

So Moses finally agrees. What's more, God tells him that everyone who knew Moses is a murderer is dead. I bet we can guess who was responsible for that.

More Moses coming soon.

Moses, Moses, Moses...

[ LukeF: 1:26 PM, 23/6/2006 ] [ 5 comments ] [ Link ]

Well, that's Genesis all wrapped up, now for Exodus...

This whole business about Moses is pretty involved and I'll need some time to mull it over.

One quick reaction is that I feel sorry for the poor bastard. On one side he's got God manifesting as a small scrub fire, ordering him to tell that nasty Pharaoh to give the Hebrews a break. On the other side he's got Pharaoh (considered a semi-deity by the Egyptians) to stop malingering and get the hell back to work.

More on Moses, leprous hands, magical snake sticks and burning bushes to come.

Joseph and the Serfs

[ LukeF: 12:48 PM, 16/6/2006 ] [ 1 comments ] [ Link ]

Just finished reading about Joseph (son of Jacob, not of Nazareth), and his wretched kin. Half this story is what I'd expected from the Bible. The other half conforms to what I've come to expect.

In short, Jacob's kids continue their charming ways and throw their father's favourite son Joseph into a pit (they were jealous of his special coat and ambitious dreams). Amidst plots to kill him or sell him into slavery, Joseph's kin are thwarted when he's stolen by another mob and sold as a slave to some Egyptians.

Joseph has some ups and downs as a slave, but with the Lord's backing he makes an excellent administrator and dream interpreter, eventually becoming the overseer of all Egypt.

There follows a little morality play in which his family prove they've mended their ways and Joseph forgives them. Very nice, just the kind of story I'd expected.

Following this Joseph uses a drought to extort first money, then cows, and finally land from the all people of Egypt. During 7 years of plenty Joseph hoards as much grain as possible. During the following 7 years of drought, the peasants have to give everything they own to get at the hoarded grain and avoid starvation.

Having collected the land on behalf of Pharaoh, Joseph then gives it back to the peasants on the understanding that it's really Pharaoh’s land, and he gets 20% of everything it yields. So that's how serfdom came to Egypt.

Schools and Priests

[ LukeF: 3:28 PM, 13/6/2006 ] [ 5 comments ] [ Link ]

I'm suprised this didn't get a bit more of a run around here.

The Age ran a story on a push by some politicians to get chaplains into Australian schools.

Basically, the proposal is that if a state school finds $35K, the government would give them another $35K, making the full $70K required for a full-time chaplain (not Chaplin).

The whole idea is to get some sort of religous-moral framework into the schools, apparently. The teachers' union has interpreted this as an insult to their morality (all that teacher/student shagging notwithstanding).

Issues of church/state separation and the number of books $70K could buy aside, it raises some questions about teaching morality to children (or getting them to think about it).

I don't know how morality is explored in schools now, or if it is at all. From my early schooling, I remember being told about good and bad (World War II started when Germany invaded Poland: BAD!!).

On one memorable occasion, I remember an actual discussion on morality during a sex-education class. No 'sex before marriage' questions, but we were instead asked to consider the sexual rights of the mentally disabled, whether sexual harrassment is harrassment when the target of it enjoys the attention, the implications of willing sexually-active minors with adult partners, etc.

So what's a good way to make young people think about morality? A curriculum in schools? Is it the parents' job?

PS: During grade 5 and 6, for whatever reason, a local priest did come and teach a class at my state school. The only thing I remember from these classes is him threatening to rip off a student's arm and beat him over the head with it. If there was one thing you could be remembered for...

Soccer Fans Beseech The Lord

[ LukeF: 2:47 PM, 9/6/2006 ] [ 0 comments ] [ Link ]

From Odd Spot, The Age, today 9/6/06:
Soccer fans in Berlin can pray for divine intervention if their World Cup teams are losing. The Berlin Cathedral and the Kaiser Wilhelm Memorial Church will hold 15-minute, half-time services during the tournament.

Would soccer fans' fervent prayers be enough to rekindle the Lord's interest in smiting? That's a game I'd stay up for.

Onan - not a Wanker

[ LukeF: 10:41 AM, 9/6/2006 ] [ 2 comments ] [ Link ]

Poor Onan, maligned through the ages as a wanker and it seems he was only practicing birth control.

The passage describes Onan as using the 'pull out' method of contraception when sleeping with his brothers widow, as he didn't want his children attributed to his brother. This, like so much else, displeased the Lord, and Onan got the chop. Onan's brother 'Er' also got the chop for being wicked, but we don't know why. Maybe the Lord thought he had a silly name.

Anyway, it seems the sin is wasting seed rather than the actual act of wanking. Thank um, whoever for that. Wikipedia has a rundown on different interpretations of this passage.

Old Testament Stories and Folk Tales

[ LukeF: 1:50 PM, 6/6/2006 ] [ 0 comments ] [ Link ]

They seem to have a similar logic about them (so far - I'm only 35 chapers into Genesis).

Over here, there's a pretty close look at creation myths, legends and religous belief, but I'm talking about something a little different.

In folk/fairy tales, we know that the hero has reached 'happily-ever-after', once they've got the girl/boy, got rich, and killed everyone who got in their way.

Religous virtue is favoured in folk-lore, but it doesn't stop the hero going without anything (riches, slaves, conquests, etc - see Tales from the 1001 Nights for many examples).

Wider questions of morality don't get a look in. We know the protagonist is righteous because they won.

No Bible For YOU!

[ LukeF: 1:48 PM, 6/6/2006 ] [ 0 comments ] [ Link ]

Now, I perceive Australia as a largely secular society, notwithstanding the recent success of Hillsong, Family First, and dear old Father Bob.

But it's interesting to see the lather that the Aussie press can get into over the (10 year old) news that bibles have been removed from hospitals. See good ol' Mediawatch transcript. While they're not kept in bedside drawers any more, they are provided on request. Unfortunately they come with a chaplain.

The Great Foreskin Purge of Shalem

[ LukeF: 11:59 AM, 6/6/2006 ] [ 0 comments ] [ Link ]

The children of Jacob continue his noble work, first by fooling the entire male population of a city into cutting off their own foreskins, and then killing them.

Jacob's clan come to Shalem in Canaan, buy some land on the outskirts, and settle down.

The story goes that the prince of this city saw their sister Dinah, and 'took her, and lay with her, and defiled her'. Raped her. Nasty man. Anyway, he liked her so much afterwards he wanted to marry her. 'Sure,' say the brothers, Simeon, and Levi. 'Suuuure you can marry her, but to get in with the family you have to cut off your foreskin, just like us. And the rest of your mob too.'

So the king and the prince go and talk to the people, saying the new neighbours are alright, and we should all marry in with them, but there's this thing they want us to do and well, we think it's worth it.

Now, the reaction of the menfolk isn't recorded, but I can guess what it might have been like.

Anyway, they do it. Off come the foreskins.

After three days or so, when they figure the recently cut blokes are at their very lowest, the brothers Simeon and Levi grab their swords, go into the city and kill all the men, loot the place, and carry off all the women!

Jacob complains that the neighbours are going to be mad, and out for revenge. 'Should he deal with our sister as with an harlot?' the brothers reply.

Well that's ok then.

Added to the reading list: No god but God

[ LukeF: 1:38 PM, 5/6/2006 ] [ 0 comments ] [ Link ]

No god but God: The origins, evolution and future of Islam, by Reza Aslan. No relation to the Jesus-Lion, apparently.

Reviewed here.

Jacob and Esau: The Soap Opera Continues

[ LukeF: 12:29 PM, 5/6/2006 ] [ 4 comments ] [ Link ]

The story of these two continues in a dreary, familiar patter of dysfunction. I'm sure we all know people like these.

After ripping off Esau, and a long interlude in which he works a lot and gains a couple of wives, Jacob sets out for Canaan again. Along the way, his party sights Esau coming with 400 men. Now I'm in the Shit, thinks Jacob. He splits up his wives and children (to avoid an easy simiting) and sends off a big present of cows and things to Esau, hoping to buy him off.

It works. They fall all over each other crying. Jacob doesn't even have to say sorry for ripping off Esau all over the place.

According to a prophecy, their descendants will be at each other for another 400 years. Like, the longest soap opera ever.

Spreading the Seed

[ LukeF: 11:46 AM, 2/6/2006 ] [ 0 comments ] [ Link ]

One of the rewards that God consistently offers our Old Testament friends is that their seed shall be like the dust of the earth, or the stars in the sky.

Now I know that this is a poetic way of saying that they'll have lots and lots of descendants, but I still can't help thinking of a money-shot of, shall we say, Biblical proportions.

Jacob and Esau: Getting the most out of starvation!

[ LukeF: 4:35 PM, 1/6/2006 ] [ 3 comments ] [ Link ]

Skipping over the bits I (& probably everyone else) know about (Adam, Eve, the Garden, the Flood etc), I've come to the bit about the brothers Jacob and Easu.

I was interested to find out about the ladder in Jacob's dream of God. Angels were running up and down the ladder between heaven and earth (what happened to their wings!?). A nice image, and quite quaint compared to the way angels are represented today.

Anyway, Jacob and Esau are the two sons of Isaac. It's noted that the eldest Esau was a skillful hunter, while Jacob was a quiet man who 'sod pottage' (which seems to mean he stayed at home and cultivated and cooked grains and such).

So one day Esau, who hasn't had much luck with the game and is starving almost to death, comes to Jacob and asks for some food. Jacob says sure, you can have some of my lentils, but you have to sell me your birthright first. There's a bit of backwards and forwards over this, and eventually Esau, thinking that his birthright isn't much good to him if he's dead, gives up his rights to inheritance (and any other rights of the eldest male) and gets some food. "So Esau despised his birthright", the passage concludes.

I was kind of shocked by this. Jacob takes advantage of his sibling's desperation to
better his position in life, and the story ends in condemnation of Esau! My opinion of Jacob is confirmed immediately after when he misrepresents himself to his father to steal his brother's blessings (the importance of this is lost on me, but seems like a big deal to Esau when he finds out).

Anyway, the morality in this story seems kind of backwards to me...

Atheists vs Agnostics

[ LukeF: 2:41 PM, 1/6/2006 ] [ 2 comments ] [ Link ]

I really don't get the vehemence of many atheists.

One of my favourite authors, ever, the late Douglas Adams described himself (here) as a 'radical atheist' to distinguish himself from 'wishy-washy' foot-in-either-camp agnostic types (such as myself).

And have you ever heard Richard Dawkins sinking his teeth into a religous scientist?

So what I don't get, is that since it's really really hard to prove the non-existence of something, particularly a deity (I know there are many philosophical arguments, but they don't actually prove anything), belief in the non-existence of something is as much a matter of faith as believing that it does exist.

So, the position of atheists and the religously devout seem equally untenable.

Now back to the Bible...

Sodom. Gomorrah. Wicked!

[ LukeF: 3:00 PM, 31/5/2006 ] [ 2 comments ] [ Link ]

I was slightly bemused to read the entry on Sodom and Gomorrah (No chapter/passage numbers, do a search here if you want).

Now, it's mentioned that the men in Sodom (and presumably Gomorrah) were wicked, and sinned greatly against God, but doesn't go into particulars.

Now, we all know that these men are infamous for having practicised their wickedness in a very particular way.

I wasn't expecting descriptions of gay-pride/mardi-gras parades, but the writers of Genesis didn't mind spelling things out when they felt like it (like people 'going into' each other). So where did the whole 'sodom'-y thing come from?

As usual, Wikipedia has something (rather a lot, actually) to say on it. A quick summary is that (unsuprisingly) various Christian writers had varying opinions on what the residents of S & G did or didn't do (including each other). Jewish texts seem to imply that it was their financial practices that excited God's wrath (ummm, feeling nervous, bankers? Didn't think so). Islamic texts apparently state pretty baldly that the fellows were into some kind of sexual deviation, mentioning relations with 'strange flesh'.

Strange flesh. Hmm.

Biblical Names

[ LukeF: 6:52 PM, 30/5/2006 ] [ 0 comments ] [ Link ]

I'll get on to writing about the actual bits I read (I've decided to go cover to cover) soon, but first a thought about biblical people's names.

Some caught on, others didn't. Adam, Jacob (more on him shortly), 'Rebekah', 'Sarah'. You'll meet people with these names. You wont meet 'Buz', 'Hazo', or 'Lot'. You might meet an 'Ishmael' or 'Noah', if you're lucky.

In the Beginning...

[ LukeF: 6:09 PM, 30/5/2006 ] [ 0 comments ] [ Link ]

...there I was, thinking about the bible.

That's a bit strange - I'm a western agnostic (more on that later), 30-something who had never read the bible and had never really wanted to. How did it start? When my piano teacher suggested I learn some Jesus Christ Super Star tunes? When I saw Life of Brian? When I read this?? Did I really want to read a list of names?

When I realised most of the laws my society are based on it? When people keep on using it for bizarre justifications? Hmmm...

So where do I get a bible? I've never been to church, I couldn't find one in a local book store. Should I need to buy one?? Shouldn't the Church be giving them away? Will I have to rent a room and steal a Gideons??

Eventually my girlfriend found one in a Salvation Army store for $3. "Just don't turn into a @$#! Christian," she says. I promised, and started reading. Super thin pages; tiny tiny writing. I squinted and turned on a lamp.

About Me

An agnostic, secular person's view on religous texts. At the moment...The King James Old Testament!