Dear Sir,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving the job. The offer was too lucrative and attractive for me to turn down. I had to abscond because I wanted to avoid a scene with the HR and you. I am sorry but I had no choice.

The project is working fine. There are only 108 issues pending, out of which only 38% issues are High Priority. Hence I am sure there is no need to worry about. The next Phase of major enhancements I have been working upon, have been completed halfway. I am sure the new person who would replace me would not understand what all I had done so far. Hence, for his and your convenience, I have taken care to remove all the work that I had been doing this far for nearly 3 months now. I am sure you will appreciate my insight and "big heart".

I am of course retaining the Originals that I had retrieved for the purpose of Passport verification with me, considering it as a parting gift from you. Of course, I will not pay the bond amount that I owe the company (since I Am breaking the bond). But I will consider this as a parting gift from our Dear company. I moving out of town since the new company is situated in another City.

Also, I have changed my contact number. So you will not be able to get in touch with me, to congratulate me. But I know your blessings are always with me. Last but not the least. I also have the Rs 12000 entrusted to me by our company's cultural events group, for the upcoming movie event. I am sure you would have wanted me to keep it with myself as an added bonus from our company. I respect you very much, hence your wish is my command.

Don't worry sir. I am 2 years experienced now, learning so much from your company. So I will surely use this knowledge to write better programs for the new company. Someday I'm sure we will meet sometime in the future. If you wish, I will surely be glad to give my employee reference for you to apply for a job in the new company which I am joining.

Your faithful employee,
S. W. Engineer

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PS". Hands still trembling, the Boss read:

PS: Dearest Boss, none of the above is true. I'm am still busy working at client side. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my "Request to reconsider my Salary Appraisal" attached with this mail. Please approve it and call when it is safe for me to come to our Office to discuss this.

My respect and Best Regards to you!

Note from AJ: In India the resignation period is 2-3 months rather than the 2-4 weeks we have here in Australia.  Abandoning employment is quite common whe moving to a new job.

From: http://spirit-blog.blogspot.com/2005/09/funny-resignation-letter.html

There comes a time in every man’s life where the animalistic urges subside to the desires to lead a more tranquil, harmonious life. A time when the adrenaline of fighting or the lure of random young pussy no longer holds centre place in one’s life. After many years of working waist deep in society’s scum, I feel it is time to retire to greener pastures.

Upon reflection, my experiences on the door will provide me with many, let’s say, interesting memories that will make me laugh and worry. The years I have spent as an ‘Attitude Adjustment Coordinator’ have provided me with many different lessons, not to mention lesions. Lessons on how to deal with people, and lessons on how to deal to people. If the former fails then may the latter prevail.

It is with mixed emotion and a guilty conscience that I resign as Head of Security. It has been a position that I have taken seriously at times but also in jest. I find the physical toll of working both day and night to be too strenuous for my aging body as well as the desire to pursue advancement in my career overseas to be overwhelming factors in my decision. Admittedly, the desire to keep my teeth and boyish good looks, avoid the possibility of gaining a criminal conviction and recent engagement have contributed to this decision. Removing the urges to ‘fuck and fight’ have left me a withered shell of a man. Moreover, the job has provided me with great responsibility as well as opportunities, many of which I have exploited. I have enjoyed my time working security for [censored] and will always be thankful for the genuinely wonderful people that I have worked for and with. As for the others, may I come across them one night in a dark alley to dispense long-awaited justice.

I hope that I have had a positive influence and will be remembered favourably by those I have worked with, although I understand that in reality, this is unlikely. Furthermore, I hope that I am remembered for my tolerance, patience and love for all humanity as well as my ability to reason and walk away from conflict thus being the bigger man, although I realise that is an outright impossibility.

It is on that note that I ask that you please accept my resignation as I cannot be a part of an organisation that would see fit to have me as a leader.

Dear Mr B,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations.

Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is.

Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in
others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have
worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility,
you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for
your
glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the
blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you
are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely
to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am
forced
to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for
you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I
prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next
couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to
do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every
password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get
cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved
when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like
"Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's
birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures
of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the
techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd
acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and
kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of
recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct
your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my
desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your
little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f***
with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with
all that free time!

Wishing you a grand and glorious day