31/3/2007 - Funny Email Pics!
.. Posted in Emails Email funnies I receive. Enjoy!
31st: Distraction
|
March 2007 |
|
S |
M |
T |
W |
T |
F |
S |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
3
|
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8 |
9 |
10
|
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23 |
24
|
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28 |
29 |
30
|
31
|
|
|
A month of funnies - click on the date in the calendar to view previous postings
UPDATE: Due to restricted available space - these pictures have now been
relocated / reformatted as one picture (sheet) only. Please CLICK HERE>>
3rd: Touristcamera
4th: Body Art (just a pic I added later...for my mate Raven)
5th: Portugal Soccer Hotties (again a pic I added later... for me! LOL)
6th: Target has a new manchester range! (I)
7th: Target has a new manchester range! (II)
8th: Something wrong with this picture Which way? (I)
9th: Things you will only see in....(Japan)!
10th: Things you will only see in....(Mexico)!
11th: Things you will only see in....(Hawaii)!
12th: Toll Payment options
13th: One of my favourite jokes The Italian son and the tomato patch
14th: Things you will only see in....(Columbia)!
15th: What alcohol does to women
16th: A clean house is a sign of
.
17th: Favourite Podcast
18th: Beautiful artwork made from beach driftwood
19th: Nudist Beach Are you wearing protection?
20th: Chinese Hospital Sign Lost in Translation?
21st: Protection/Practice Safe Sex! (part 2)
22nd: Sexy Sand Art!
23rd: Blonde Pole Dancer!
24th: Something wrong: Computers
25th: Something wrong Houses
26th: Something wrong Railway tracks
27th: Things you will only see in....(London)!
28th: Things you will only see in....(Texas)!
29th: Things you will only see in....(Thailand)!
30th: and finally,
Things you will only see in....(America)!
31st: Distraction!
|
|
Comments (8) :: Permanent Link
| ..................................................................................................................................
|
22/3/2007 - Man! I feel like a woman!
.. Posted in Emails
|
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A set of screwdrivers,
A cordless drill, and
A black lace bra..
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
One friend who
Always makes her laugh...
And one
Who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A good piece of furniture
Not previously owned by
Anyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
Eight matching plates,
Wine glasses with stems,
And a recipe for a meal that will
Make her guests feel honoured.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A feeling of control over
Her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to fall in love
Without losing herself...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to quit a Job
Break up with a lover
And confront a friend without ruining the friendship
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
When to try harder... And
WHEN TO WALK AWAY.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That she can't change
The length of her calves,
The width of her hips, or
The nature of her parents... |
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That her childhood
May not have been
Perfect..but;
Its over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she would and
Wouldn't
Do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to live alone...
Even if
She doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish
In a day...
A month..
And a year...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Whom she can trust,
Whom she can't,
And why she shouldn't
Take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Where to go...
Be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
Or a charming inn in the woods...
When her soul needs soothing...
|
______________________________________________________________
In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40:
(60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS).
As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
- A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
- If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.
- Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.
- Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
- Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.
- Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
- Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage. Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!
|
|
Comments (16) :: Permanent Link
| ..................................................................................................................................
|
28/1/2007 - I believe...sometimes!
.. Posted in Emails
This is dedicated to
those Born 1930-1979!
TO ALL THE KIDS
WHO SURVIVED the
1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because .
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day.
And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down
the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound, CD's or Ipods, no cell! phones!, no personal computers , no Internet or chat rooms.......
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
lawsuits from these accidents.
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang
the bell, or just walked in and talked to them !
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!
These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!
If YOU are one of them . . CONGRATULATIONS!
(Share your stories, memories, nostalgia)
.
HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY (WEEKEND)!
|
|
Comments (10) :: Permanent Link
| ..................................................................................................................................
|
28/1/2007 - If a dog was the teacher...
.. Posted in Emails Life is simple. It is us HUMANS that make it hard.
THIS IS SOME GOOD ADVICE! A simple but very wise message - Enjoy
If a dog was the teacher, you would learn stuff like:
- When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
- Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
- Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
- When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
- Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
- Take naps.
- Stretch before rising.
- Run, romp, and play daily.
- Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
- Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
- On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
- On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
- When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
- No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout..! run right back and make friends.
- Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
- Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
- Be loyal. N ever pretend to be something you're not.
- If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
- When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
I AM THANKFUL FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME!
SEND THIS TO PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT. . . I JUST DID.
|
|
Comments (8) :: Permanent Link
| ..................................................................................................................................
|
21/1/2007 - For better or for worse
.. Posted in Emails
One day, when I was a freshman in high school,
I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school.
His name was Kyle.
It looked like he was carrying all of his books.
I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday?
He must really be a nerd."
I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him.
They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.
His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him.
He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes
My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.
As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. "
They really should get lives.
" He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!"
There was a big smile on his face.
It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.
As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before.
He said he had gone to private school before now.
I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.
We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books.
He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.
I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends.
He said yes.
We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again.
I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!
" He just laughed and handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.
When we were seniors, we began to think about college.
Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke.
I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem.
He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class.
I teased him all the time about being a nerd.
He had to prepare a speech for graduation.
I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak
Graduation day, I saw Kyle.
He looked great.
He was one of those guys that really found himself during high
school.
He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.
He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.
Boy, sometimes I was jealous!
Today was one of those days.
I could see that he was nervous about his speech.
So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!"
He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.
" Thanks," he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began
"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years.
Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends...
I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them.
I am going to tell you a story."
I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met.
He had planned to kill himself over the weekend.
He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.
He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.
"Thankfully, I was saved.
My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.
I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.
Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions.
With one small gesture you can change a person's life.
For better or for worse.
|
|
Comments (6) :: Permanent Link
| ..................................................................................................................................
|
21/12/2006 - Xmas E-Card
.. Posted in Emails 
|
|
Comments (3) :: Permanent Link
| ..................................................................................................................................
|
14/12/2006 - Midnight Phone Call
.. Posted in Emails
A particularly touching email story.
Midnight Phone Call
We all know what it's like to get that phone call in the middle of the night.
This night's call was no different. Jerking up to the ringing summons, I focused on the red illuminated numbers of my clock. Midnight. Panicky thoughts filled my sleep-dazed mind as I grabbed the receiver. "Hello?" My heart pounded; I gripped the phone tighter and eyed my husband, who was now turning to face my side of the bed. "Mama?" I could hardly hear the whisper over the static. But my thoughts immediately went to my daughter. When the desperate sound of a young crying voice became clearer on the line, I grabbed for my husband and squeezed his wrist. "Mama, I know it's late, but don't...don't say anything, until I finish."
"Mama, I know it's late, but don't...don't say anything, until I finish. And before you ask, yes, I've been drinking. I nearly ran off the road a few miles back, and..." I drew in a sharp shallow breath, released my husband and pressed my hand against my forehead. Sleep still fogged my mind, and I attempted to fight back the panic. Something wasn't right. "And I got so scared. All I could think about was it would hurt you if a policeman came to your door and said I'd been killed. I want...to come home. I know running away was wrong. I know you've been worried sick. I should have called you days ago, but I was afraid...afraid..." Sobs of deep-felt emotion flowed from the receiver and poured into my heart. Immediately I pictured my daughter's face in my mind and my fogged senses seemed to clear. "I think--" "No! Please let me finish! Please!" She pleaded, not so much in anger but in desperation. I paused and tried to think of what to say. Before I could go on, she continued, "I'm pregnant, Mama. I know I shouldn't be drinking now...especially now, but I'm scared, Mama. So scared!" The voice broke again and I bit into my lip, feeling my own eyes fill with moisture. I looked at my husband who sat silently mouthing, "Who is it?" I shook my head and when I didn't answer, he jumped up and left the room, returning seconds later with the portable phone held to his ear. She must have heard the click in the line because she continued, "Are you still there? Please don't hang up on me! I need you. I feel so alone." I clutched the phone and stared at my husband, seeking guidance. "I'm here, I wouldn't hang up," I said. "I know I should have told you, Mama. But when we talk, you just keep telling me what I should do. You read all those pamphlets on how to talk about sex and all, but all you do is talk. You don't listen to me. You never let me tell you how I feel. It is as if my feelings aren't important. Because you're my mother, you think you have all the answers. But sometimes I don't need answers. I just want someone to listen." I swallowed the lump in my throat and stared at the how-to-talk-to-your-kids pamphlets scattered on my night stand. "I'm listening," I whispered. "You know, back there on the road, after I got the car under control, I started thinking about the baby and taking care of it. Then I saw this phone booth and it was as if I could hear you preaching about people shouldn't drink and drive. So I called a taxi. I want to come home." "That's good, Honey," I said as relief filled my chest. My husband came closer, sat down beside me and laced his fingers through mine. I knew from his touch that he thought I was doing and saying the right thing. "But you know, I think I can drive now." "No!" I snapped. My muscles stiffened, and I tightened the clasp on my husband's hand. "Please, wait for the taxi. Don't hang up on me until the taxi gets there." "I just want to come home, Mama." "I know. But do this for your mama. Wait for the taxi, please." I listened to the silence in fear. When I didn't hear her answer, I bit into my lip and closed my eyes. Somehow I had to stop her from driving. "There's the taxi, now." Only when I heard someone in the background asking about a Yellow Cab did I feel my tension easing. "I'm coming home, Mama." There was a click and the phone went silent. Moving from the bed with tears forming in my eyes, I walked out into the hall and went to stand in my sixteen-year-old daughter's room. The dark silence hung thick. My husband came from behind, wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on the top of my head. I wiped the tears from my cheeks. "We have to learn to listen," I said. He pulled me around to face him. "We'll learn. You'll see." Then he took me into his arms, and I buried my head in his shoulder. I let him hold me for several moments, then I pulled back and stared back at the bed. He studied me for a second, then asked, "Do you think she'll ever know she dialed the wrong number?" I looked at our sleeping daughter, then back at him. "Maybe it wasn't such a wrong number." "Mom, Dad, what are you doing?" The muffled young voice came from under the covers. I walked over to my daughter, who now sat up staring into the darkness. "We're practicing," I answered. "Practicing what?" she mumbled and laid back on the mattress, her eyes already closed in slumber "Listening," I whispered, and brushed a hand over her cheek.
With love to all our daughters - of all ages.
Artwork (pictured here) by mine.
|
|
Comments (3) :: Permanent Link
| ..................................................................................................................................
|
13/12/2006 - 1 down 17 more to go!
.. Posted in Emails
Some of the funniest/best philosophies for life are often found in the humble emails we receive.
Think this is a particularly good one:
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?"
"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied. "Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked.
"No, I don't waste time shopping", the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"
"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money.
Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight."
The homeless woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The woman replied," That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine."
Just completed unit 1: HLTHHSE2A, of my studies. Yipee!!!!!!! Now only 17 (total of 18) more to go. Think thats a good excuse for a(nother) glass of wine.
|
|
Comments (3) :: Permanent Link
| ..................................................................................................................................
|
12/12/2006 - Beaten to the Punctuation Marks
.. Posted in Emails (This article was originally posted 6/01/07)...
Ha Ha, LOL...I hate to beat you to the 'punctuation marks' Jerry... (see comment posted under "Workings Of The Female Mind" and the challenge that was put to me (?all females); but on behalf of all the women out there... I just couldn't help myself.
Another appropriately 'funny' that would suit right now is:
"God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question."
Update: 07/01/07
Have just noticed latest comment posted. Hmmmmm...not sure if the intent is humour.. or simply another case to 'keep the woman down.. in her place". Personally, I thought my posting was just a case of 'touche!' for women, the parry, the (intellectual) art of dance, step forward, a step back, all good fun. But, now, I don't know..... What do you think bloggers?
Hmmmm....left feeling like I need me a little female empowering boost at mo', as in:...How To Put A Bra On 101
|
|
Comments (12) :: Permanent Link
| ..................................................................................................................................
|
12/12/2006 - Workings of the female mind
.. Posted in Emails Finally, a comprehensive and concise diagram showing the inner workings of the female mind.
|
|
Comments (10) :: Permanent Link
| ..................................................................................................................................
|
|
About Me
|
