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Update October 21stPosted on 20/12/2006 at 10:11 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkUpdate October 21stPosted on October 21, 2006 at 2:13 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkHello.
Not very much to report today. I have been very busy, no time for creativity. I'm boring!!!!
And in news just to hand, today is my last shift here at my old job.
Too many reasons to explain, but it is time to be normal, well as normal as God made me to be. I tend to do too much and that means I cant focus as well on what I do. I get tired etc and it makes me feel like a fialure. I frequently feel like I fail, but my head knows I fail because I try to do too many things. I mean seriously!! I work a fulltime job that I am still learning, plus a parttime job that screams demanding attention, I host a home group, I do the suppers nearly every fortnight on the same day I work from 6am, go to church twice on Sundays, plus fellowship and then I beat myself up because my house has more dust than Im happy with and the weeds are out of control (in my eyes anyhow).
I want to help a friend out with some systems she needs to implement, I want to have more time with my daughter on the weekend, I want to have that garage sale Ive been talking about for 3 months, I want to catch the bus to work and read my bible on the bus again. I want to be home before midnight on a week night, every night of the week. I want to be able to cook dinner not grab something in between jobs, yuck. Is that so wrong?
I have the power to change that situation, so rather than whinge about it I am going to change it.
Next step, housemate.
and so much for not having anything to say!
Bec.
First Day, New Job !Posted on 20/12/2006 at 10:11 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkFirst Day, New Job !Posted on October 9, 2006 at 9:19 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkWow what a great day!
Let me start with the word from Pastor Ashley yesterday. He has been speaking about Sowing and Reaping for a while now and yesterday morning he continued on about how to contain the harvest, how to be sure you reap what you sow. He talked from Luke about when he went in Simon Peters boat and preached. Then Jesus told him to cast his nets out and the harvest came in.
Pastor Ashley talked about the harvest time being a pressure time. He spoke about being ready. If Peter hadnt been ready with his nets or if they had tears and were neglected not only could he not contain the harvest but his structures (the nets) would have been destroyed in the process.
The nets in our lives refer to our structures, our personal disciplines perhaps. For me I know there are areas I am weak and there are areas through practice I have become strong. But this message was so timely because I was starting my new job today. Not only strating the new one, but doing 29 hrs this week in my second job in addition. I know when I get tired, I get slack in some areas, reading my bible becomes a chore, staying positive even is a big challenge. I was concerned aspects of my life I had built up would fall apart. Pastor Ashley's message confirmed to me that I need to be ready, I need to keep my nets intact and strong and if I do I can hold the harvest God has for me.
So I started my new job today. Praise God, It was excellent!! I think the people are great, theres a group of 5 women now plus two men in sales in addition to the franchisors. We all work hard but we laughed and got along great. I even had a lunch break. I sat at the bus stop in the sunshine, ate my sandwich and read my devotions, how amazing! I come from a workplace where meal breaks dont happen.
When I went to back to my old job to work tonight my manager asked me what would make me stay. I said honestly nothing would make me stay full-time but I'll keep working part-time for now. I told him all the reasons why I couldnt make this my only job and he did understand.
So praise God for his favour and I pray it continues.
Bec Welcome to the World of What Ifs and ButsPosted on 20/12/2006 at 10:10 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkWelcome to the World of What Ifs and ButsPosted on October 2, 2006 at 12:51 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkIts times like this you hope no one from work reads my blog, LOL.
Happy Labour Day ! So what does Labour Day really mean to me? Its the day to celebrate the 38 hr working week, the 8 hr work day, entitlements such as meal breaks and penalties for working public holidays or weekends.
At this point in time I live in faith that these revolutionary new concepts will make their way into our workplace!
Today is a public holiday, I am working a 9 hr shift from 5am, on my own, no meal breaks, no penalties and no overtime :) Have to laugh at the irony!
So this should make my decision making really easy. Perhaps I shall start at the beginning. I had 2 days off last week, Thursday and Friday and I hated having weekdays off and then working Saturday and today to make up the hours. So I had some time on my hands and applied for three jobs on Thursday night (www.careerone.com.au) By the end of the next day I had finished two job interviews and been offered a full-time, Monday to Friday role as an accounts administrator in a national company. WOW! How incredible is that? They asked me what I wanted to be paid and I told them ( Hindsight tells me I undervalued myself) and they were happy with that. The office is brand new, it even smells new.
I believe my supervisor and I will get along really well and talk about the favour of God, but something inside me is freaking out. At this point I cant determine if it is my spirit is unsettled or just a fear of something new. I think it is the fear of something new. I have to step out in faith. I can hear the words of wisdom from my pastor telling me that I need to learn to hold out my hand and take what is mine, not to be afraid. The fact those words keep ringing in my head mean something.
But! Even though I dont get paid correctly here, I love my job. I love the clients, the drivers ,,, anyway you've heard it all before.
I feel like this new job is about growing up. I will be out of my league but everytime Ive done that in the past Ive grown into the job quickly so I have faith the same will be true in this instance.
Perhaps part of my fear is about having the tough conversation with my boss, the hello I really love my job but it is time for me to move on. But I would like to work 3 nights a week and every second Saturday to Christmas so I can build up my savings further and also enable a smooth transition. Despatchers are hard to find.
This new job also gives me the opportunity to socialise in the evenings again. It enables me to do courses at bible college or through the church that at the moment with myrregular hours I cant do, so its good. However there was one thing I really wanted to do next year and that wont be possible, in the natural, but if God wants it, God will make it happen.
I've talked myself into accepting the job and moving forward in my life. This new job will move me forward in my life and set up avenues for things I am believing for in the future.
So praise God for his favour!! What an awesome testimony to be hired for an excellent job within 15 hours of applying (and 6 of those were in the middle of the night). I didnt know the interviewer I didnt provide any referees, I can only believe God answered my prayer, the Holy Spirit guided me into what to say and the favour of God was again upon me. He is so good!
Bec. Devotions 21st SeptemberPosted on 20/12/2006 at 10:09 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkDevotions 21st SeptemberPosted on September 22, 2006 at 6:06 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkDevotions, Thursday 21st September
Luke 5:
Praise God for Fridays! Thursday 21st SeptemeberPosted on 20/12/2006 at 10:08 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkThursday 21st SeptemeberPosted on September 21, 2006 at 5:01 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkGod is great!
If you read my last entry you would have read how I had let go of the frustration over the pay situation at work. Well just today, my boss the same one who thought I hated my job called me into his office and said to me I was doing a really great job and did I know the drivers love me as a despatcher.
Wow, positive from this man!
I think he now sees that I love my job. I ws able to offer to work a Saturday each fortnight, I was able to explain why I wont ever work Sundays and about my daughter being home on the weekends. So we cleared the air. Praise God! and he let me go home early, I wasnt very effective today, I have a headcold and felt unproductive. So I am at home working on a procedures manual.
WOW !!!!
I cant go into too much detail but I just got a phone call from someone offering me somethings I have wanted for a while but could not justify. How incredible that I would receive these things !
I better go, lots to do.
Bec.
DevotionsPosted on 20/12/2006 at 10:08 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkDevotionsPosted on September 20, 2006 at 11:45 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkI was reading my bible in the bus today, just an hour after my last post. How incredible is this response from God:
Luke 3:14 Then some soldiers asked him, "and what should we do?" He replied, "Dont extort money and dont falsely accuse people - be content with your pay"
Ps 81:16 But you would be fed with the finest of wheat; with honey from the rock I will satisfy you.
Now ofcourse going to court is not extorting money but I just experienced such a release of peace by letting go of my frustration. God knows what happens, He can see, He is my provider and Im going to let him provide. Will I not go to court, I cant say yet, but right now, today, its just not a concern and I had a great night at work. I was short on cars, and praise God flights were late, passengers were ok and it all worked out. God is good.
Bec. Wednesday 20 SeptemberPosted on 20/12/2006 at 10:07 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkWednesday 20 SeptemberPosted on September 20, 2006 at 1:33 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkWhat an Awesome God we serve.
I went to church this morning to help out a friend and wow, the middle of the work and our church is a hive of activity. How incredible a place to be during the week as well as weekends. Dare I say I miss it.
So anyway, we managed to get done what we wanted to do and it looks great, Yay, we are moving forward, so much more to do but we have made a start.
I went to a performance my daughter was involved in last night as part of the Festival of Music, a program for primary school students to display their enthusiasm for music. It was quite lovely really, a little long perhaps, but the kids in their expression were beauitful. I had loaned my car to my sister so I caught the bus in and out and although it was chilly last night, it was nice catching a bus, theres nothing to do but think, pray and listen for God.
In terms of my spiritual life I am back on track but I have spent the last few weeks with such a frustration over my work situation. Im seeing now that is an area the devil is using against me. I have resolved to not be frustrated anymore in regards to work. If I need to take my emplyer to caught eventually to get my entitlements then so be it, but as much as we have discussed the situation they have made it clear they will not pay correctly and I have informed them their stand wont hold up in court. So it wont come as a surprise to them if I did take further action at a later date. In the meantime my God is more than enough for me and maybe hes saving that avenue for a time when I will actually need the money. Who knows when that harvest will come in.
Well I better go to work. Im catching the bus and leaving plenty of time to get there on time.
The continuing theme for this time, putting myself in a position where I can hear from my maker.
Bec. Deeply ReflectivePosted on 20/12/2006 at 10:03 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkDeeply ReflectivePosted on September 19, 2006 at 5:53 AM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkIts 5.10 am at work. I am sitting at my desk, in the job the new manager thinks I hate, feeling devastatinkly tired, watching a bug crawl across ... ok, bug gone, tabacco droppings swept off the desk and trying to feel normal.
I do love my job, I love the work, I love the drivers, I love the customers, I love that I can express who I am here and that Im accepted. Im a Christian in my workplace, that is an awesome privelege and responsibility. One of the girls from the office who I havent seen in weeks, I saw yesterday for the big management meeting. We were all happy to see her but I gave her this big hug and genuinely told her how missed she was. That was great, not a lot of hugging goes on here so its really nice when it does and I just couldnt express myself in a better way. Wow, three years ago I was definitely not a hugger. My God has grown me much.
Its funny, I read my previous post (FLAME) and used such words as deeply vulnerable and the title for this one is deeply reflective. God is most definitely opening me up, I WAS not a person who had deep emotions, but now I do, good loving kind ones in fact and now I am secure enough (usually) to express them. God is good! At the same time I am being challenged in terms of my tongue, some things are best kept close to your heart, between you and God only (at least for a time).
I am deeply satisfied with life at the moment. Gods goodness is amazing.
Last night (at 11pm, what was I thinking? I had to be up by 4am) I was watching the DVD from the final night of Influencers 06. Its the night I got the word to give up someone I really wanted. Watching it again it was like a completely different sermon, the agenda God had that night was different to the agenda last night. The agenda He had last night was about Hearing from Him, not taking a step until you do so. It was the story of Abraham leading his son up the mountain to be a sacrifice unto the Lord but right at the moment he's about to give his sons life back to God, God tells him to turn around and there he sees a ram tied up the thickett. God himself had supplied the offering.... but if Abraham couldnt hear from God or wouldnt be flexible to the new message from God his son would have been slaughtered and then he would have seen the ram. Obviously Bishop Jakes went so much deeper into the text and it was incredibly (deeply, even) profound.
I know that I hear from God but I dont give myself enough opportunities to be led by Him in every area of this life hes given to me.
At the end of it, how do you hear from God??? Well its interesting, it comes down to removing the noise in your life. The distractions, the frustrations, that static in the background yelling at you for your attention. Why's that interesting? because the theme of our Nooma DVD at life group this week is about the same thing, Noise.
Bring it on!
Bec.
FlamePosted on 20/12/2006 at 10:02 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkFlamePosted on September 9, 2006 at 7:40 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkLife Group Tonight was interesting. I learnt that I really struggled to open up in front of the group, although perhaps I really just didn’t have any trials to share and I was trying to force something out that wasn’t there. I admired my leaders vulnerability, he leads by example (no specifics I don’t have ownership over them).
However I can say we watched a Nooma DVD tonight about love – called Flame.
Basically there are three hebrew words for our english word love. 1, Riya: Companion/Friendship 2. Ahihava: Deep affection, the mind and heart are passionate for the other person. The love is deep, there is a moment where rather you would be in that place with that person than in any other place with any other person in this world. 3. Dode: Meaning to arouse or fondle. It is the Physical/Sexual Expression in relationship.
We were created for all the flames to blend as one. Without the blend of all three expressions of love the flame will simply flicker out and die. Also if you try and keep the flames separate you will never be deeply satisfied.
How do you keep them separate? Some examples: A person is in your life solely for the physical intimacy You are married, you have the physical intimacy but your best friend is not your husband or wife Perhaps you view your husband and wife as an obstacle to your fulfillment. There’s many more, avoid them.
So with that overview how has love manifested itself in my life? (Deeply vulnerable section to follow).
I started to read a psychology book once, long ago, that said a girl who grew up without a dad would cling to the first person to tell her she was loved. In my case that happened when I was 16, I was working in my first job and this older (21), handsome man with a car and bulging biceps was keen on me. Well I was caught, hook, line and sinker. My number one ambition in life at that point was to not be like my mother. Therefore I wanted to be married, or a career girl and I would never, ever, ever be a single mother (As life would turn out I’ve been a single mother for over 8 years from the time my daughter was just two). So anyway he was pretty intense, he asked me to marry him before I was even 17. We refrained from the sexual relationship until then. I wanted to wait till I was married but I also didn’t want to rush into marriage. Being worldly I didn’t wait, I compromised, the fact he wanted to marry me was enough. That relationship within a few months was controlling, he was insecure. He didn’t want me to change or grow up. He wanted me just as I was when I was 16, that way forever. I missed out on friendships, I broke relationship with my mother, I worked full-time to support us, he didn’t work at all, I didn’t go to university like I wanted to.
It was a relationship where if I mentioned wanting out he would threaten to kill himself. At that time in my life I felt that was the number one sin, being responsible for someone else’s death. I felt God hated me anyhow (because I allowed myself to sexual violated) but to be responsible for his death would be even worse.
So I stayed. I stayed through his term of imprisonment when I was just 18, I stayed through his re-offending, I stayed through his verbal abuse, I stayed through the affair he gloated about (the idea he had that he could have two women living together under the same roof), I stayed through it all, for seven years, because I felt there was no way out. Even though I stayed and choose to have a child I never married him because I knew I couldn’t commit my life to him.
Then one day I found a way out. Events led to him being caught for a myriad of offending and he was given a 10 year term of imprisonment, 7 years non parole. It was more than we expected, but it was my freedom. I knew it was over for us. I still visited him occasionally out of obligation but after 6 months or so I just never revisited. His mum asked me a few months later whether we were still together and I told her no, she offered to break the news to him. I avoided the whole break-up thing. I do have regrets that I wasn’t adult enough to do that maturely but I just didn’t have the strength, I knew he would try and capture me with his threats again. So that was my first love. It was Riya, not so much friend but rescuer: he rescued me from the thought I might be alone forever like my mother.
My next love was the love that said physically I’ll give myself to you but you are not having my feelings, my heart or my trust. Dode in nature and leaving you empty. Although you haven’t given your feelings and hope to this relationship you’ve still given and you get nothing in return. It leaves you empty. Its like the energy output of white sugar compared to brown rice, a quick rush but no sustenance.
The next relationship, we met off the internet. My first impression he had an honest face. He was older than me, he was a good man but I held back in some areas on the truth, I felt if he knew all there was to know he wouldn’t love me anymore.
This relationship really brought out my insecurities. He had ties to his ex-girlfriend, he didn’t want to completely cut her out of his life so she continually controlled him. He didn’t sleep at my house, because she would drive past his house at night looking for his car and then call him if it wasn’t there. They had broken up months before we got together but he continued to allow her to direct his life.
We dated for two years. We were not Christians, we never went to church, we never talked about God but this is the man who gave me a bible for Christmas. Four weeks later God gave me the gift of salvation. I had a choice that first night I went to church. It was Australia Day, I could have gone to Skyshow with the man I loved or I could go to a church where I knew no-one at the risk of being judged as a single mother. I went to Church I went out reclaimed by my Savior.
I got home from church that night and he came over. He told me he didn’t want me to go to church and I stopped him and said word for word, "Its too late I’m a Christian now, I will be a Christian forever and Paradise is my church until God moves me on". He became someone else that week, he was forceful and controlling. He took every opportunity to tell me that church was a cult but God gave me the gift of faithfulness. I never backed down that week. The next Sunday I’m getting ready for church and he comes over again and asks if he can come also. I knew the right thing was to say yes but I the whole time in church I never looked at him, I thought he’d roll his eyes, sigh and tell me what a big mistake I’d made. Instead with eyes closed and heads bowed and the call for salvation I felt him nudge past me to go up the front and give his life to Christ. I was astonished. This man was the devil all week, trying to get me to give up on God and now he himself has been claimed by God. Only God can do that kind of turnaround!!
So we were both new Christians. On my first night in church I went to the guest lounge and the first question I asked was this churches view towards sex before marriage. I went home that day vowing to wait until I was married. My intentions were good but I did fall a few times. This man kept saying it was ok, in the eyes of God we were married, I knew that was a lie. So a couple of weeks later he asks me to marry him (he still had his ex in the picture), I said yes but within a couple of months we had broken up. I was just beginning this new exciting life as a Christian and I felt called by God to more than mediocrity. This mans life plan was we would go to church on Sunday, not make any friends, not do anything during the week. We’d just be the Sunday Christians. We’d get married, I’d stay home all day looking after 6 cats while he went to work and Sarah went to school and that would be my life. That was not what I wanted from my life, so I broke up with him. That relationship lacked the Ahihava love, the "I’d rather be here than any other place and with any other person".
Then at the beginning of this year a new relationship formed but the basis was his need for a companion and my need to be loved, accepted and forgiven of my past. This is the relationship I went to seeking the things that only God can give and this relationship drew me away from God. I was thankful to Him for the relationship, this was a good Christian man, far above what I ever thought possible and I confess I idolised him. Big Mistake!!
So come the Influencers conference this year God gave us both the word that we were not to be together. Because it came from God it had to be obeyed but it was crushing. I knew though that God took those hopes for a future from me because I had taken my attention off Him and my God is a jealous God. I went through a bad time after that, I was angry with God, I wasn’t going to trust him anymore. I didn’t think he wanted good things for me, I kept coming to church, life group and thirtysomething and continued to serve but I was pretty cross and hurt by him. I smelled bad, like a sacrifice instead of the sweet incense of a life lived to glorify God. So that brief relationship was just Riya the need for assurance and a companion.
This is being vulnerable (but why stop now), but I have never before had the deep affection love, the love that says there is no other place and no other person I want to be with in this moment but you. That could be because I’ve not met the right person or it could be because in the past I have had trust issues and not allowed myself to be so vulnerable. I believe this year I’ve worked through much of that issue. There are people I can be and have been very vulnerable with, but at the same time I’m balancing it with wisdom. I’m not ready to reconnect with my dad but who knows, other than my maker, what the future holds. One day I hope to reconnect with him and that he may come to experience salvation.
It’s now spring and I can say, feel and know with assurance I finally get it. I love Jesus, I love what He has done for me, I love what he promises to do for others, I love that he stepped out in our shoes, He lived here on earth amongst sinners and he set the example.
I love God, his creation. I love that the things on earth that are beautiful, sweet and good are that way because he made them that way. I love that he makes over 700 promises in the bible for our good. I love that he loves me. I love that he forgives me, I love that he promises to use me to glorify him, if I let him (and I do). I love that he sent me help in the pages of the bible, in using people around me to speak words of wisdom into my life. Mostly I love that he personally sent the Holy Spirit to dwell in me, to guide me in the way to live in this world but with the eternal perspective.
Getting completely off track (feeling a bit reflective). At the beginning of the year it was prophesied in three different places that this would be the year of breakthrough. Well the breakthrough has not come in the areas or direction I thought it would but God knew even better where the breakthrough needed to happen. I am so blessed with where he has placed me in life. I love that he directs my steps he has good plans for me. My Lord, I trust you.
. Bec. Weekending Friday 8th SeptemberPosted on 20/12/2006 at 10:01 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkWeekending Friday 8th SeptemberPosted on September 8, 2006 at 4:33 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkWhat a week.
This is the first two day weekened I have had off work in about 6 weeks. I was asked to work but since my employer has decided to refuse to pay me overtime (Like they have a choice when you work 50-60 hrs a week) I politely declined the Saturday shift. It was hard to do, my boss will now have to work 7 days but I had to take a stand.
I'm contemplating my future there, I love the work but the atmosphere around the actual business feels grimey. Its hard to be positive when you constantly hear of negative outcomes.
But this week has been good. I am training up a new despatcher, he seems pretty good and have more training to do next week as well as training another person. One thing I am certain of is that I am shown much favour there, Praise be to God.
Spiritually things are on a high. I've been reading my bible all week, I am listening to a CD called Simply Worship. I play it on the way to work at 4.30AM then when I get in to the office (I'm on my own for a couple of hours) I play it again. Its beautiful and work seems easier. I then sing along and worship God in the car on the way home. Bliss!
I have a new laptop (new to me) and have created a bible reading plan which includes old testament new testament, one psalm and one proverb every day. I am using Nelsons bible software. I highly recommend it.
I also read an on this day faith builder. Every day theres a story about a Christian who has suffered for their faith, but God, most assuredly has been their comfort.
On top of that I am reading my Becomming,a new testament bible for women. I have been led into Ephesians. And my reading here is not out of discipline or compulsion I just want to! What a breakthrough!!!
Life group is on tonight, I cant wait! I am believing for 20 people (recently we've been down to 12) but more important than numbers, I am hoping for something fresh. Whenever we have a discussion our leader always leads well but I think people are closing up more than they did originally. I want something different tonight.
I am pretty tired, I am not capable of thinking deeply, well not writing it eloquently anyhow.
Finally though I am believing next year I will either be at bible college full-time or I will be part of the intern program at my church. I will continue to work full-time but theres a calling on my life that goes beyond working and I am willing to step into it. I am going to make an appointment with my pastor next week to discuss.
Bec.
Priority One, 5th SeptemberPosted on 20/12/2006 at 10:00 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkPriority One, 5th SeptemberPosted on September 6, 2006 at 6:29 AM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkI love Priority One nights, they are for people who serve in the church and an opportunity for our Senior Pastor to share his vision with us. The thing about them is the people who are there, want to be there. Theres not a compulsion, simply 350 turn up because they want to. The atmosphere in worship is incredible, the people are hungry for the things of God, the room reverberates in praise for our saviour. How incredible and then on top of that pastor Ashley a great word continuing on about Sowing and Reaping.
Heres my notes.
The Principles of Sowing and Reaping 1. Sowing and Reaping is a theological (God logic) law as well as a law of nature. 2. Sowing and Reaping works whether you believe it or not 3. It applies to everyone without exceptions. 4. Works whether you are an aetheist, Christian, whatever you believe in. 5. It applies to every area of your life. 6. You are the lid on your destiny, not God. (Ponder that!) 7. Your harvest depends on your seed (God given potential), the sower (You), the soil (The environment you live in). 8. The sooner you sow, the sooner you reap. 9. There is one harvest God values above all. People connecting to Him. 10. There is more to you than you can see. But God knows your potential and its bigger than you could hope for or imagine. 11. Nothing grows until it is exposed to the soil. Analogies, the bank doesnt pay you interest until you deposit your money. You dont grow if you are not stretched. 12. Your environment turns potential into reality. My environment dictates my destiny. Be planted in a good church, expose yourself to people who dare to dream. 13. Even Jesus had to sow. (John 12.24-) 15. What you sow today, you will reap forever.
Built to Last - Sowing and Reaping What we do in life lasts for eternity (Gal 6:7) Every footprint we make upon a persons life will last forever. We have a short to accomplish what God has for us, but it is eternally significant. Never again will this moment in time happen again, use it wisely, encourage others, be a positive into someones life. Everytime I reach out I am going beyond myself and that makes me grow (whether it is a smile, help someone, encouragin words. Everything you do leaves some kind of mark. Ps 73, God sees everything. Do not grow weary in doing good for in due season you will reap a harvest. You are not serving your pastor, you are serving Jesus.
Grow Older - Not Colder Allow yourself to be reinvented. Expand your thinking to incorporate people and challenges into your life.
Dont be like this as you get older: Wider in your hips but narrower in your thinking.
Bec SistersPosted on 20/12/2006 at 9:59 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkSistersPosted on September 5, 2006 at 6:23 AM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkI am so grateful to God for his has given me a sister with a depth of love for me I have not known. She is an infinite well of love for me, its amazing where God shows himself.
My sister is a couple of years older than me. I have her complexion, my middle name is her surname and we laugh ourselves silly together. At times Ive been challenged by this relationship, we shared a house together for six months and she can be confronting and I can be a little stubborn, LOL.
Its a friendship that keeps pushing me forward, just wallowing in pity is not an option. Shes my own personal Joyce Meyer. She knows the word of God, shes a wellspring into my life. She speaks with the same kind of certainty in God and His promises.
The amazing thing is that she values my friendship also. I add to her life. To get that into my spirit I will confess shes had to say it probably a hundred times, I've denied it everytime but I'm finally realising it is true. I'm blown away that I can be a positive into someones life. Clearly if nothing else that is proof that there must be a God. I cant even find my words but I have never felt I've been a positive into the life of someone else, and especially someone who has her act together. This is not a person who is empty seeking assurance from just anywhere, this is a woman who goes to God first and foremost. That He would use me to add something to Her life is beyond words.
So my sister and I watched a movie last night called Rumour Has It, it was very funny, very much a feel good chick flick. We shared a meal together with her children and we gave each other a spontaneous gift. It's amazing really, God knows the desires of our heart. You see I have this skirt she always complements me on and there was one of clearance so I thought of her and bought it for her, shes wonderful I just wanted to show her. Anyway I give her the skirt last night and on her way home from work when I was coming over she bought me a bunch of flowers. The thing was that she didnt know I bought her anything and I didnt know she did. More amazing, she was admiring someone elses skirt the other day and really wanted a new skirt, but couldnt justify spending the money on herself. As for me I love flowers but I never buy them for myself, I cant justify it to myself, BUT GOD he knows and here we are both desiring to bless the other person without thought for ourselves and God turns around and blesses both of us. How Incredible.
So to my sister Cathy, I love you and Caramello Koalas will always make me dream big.
Bec. Father, Dad, PappaPosted on 20/12/2006 at 9:58 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkFather, Dad, PappaPosted on September 4, 2006 at 5:56 AM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkWell another fathers day is over.
"There is nothing you could ever do to make me love you less".
Those are the words of the perfect father, the one in heaven who promises never to leave us, never to forsake us, whos thoughts for us are good.
Ive never liked Fathers Day but I have to admit they get easier as I get older. Im no longer strongly encouraged to make a Fathers Day card for a dad I never met or to stand in front of the class and say why I love that same dad so much. Thank God those days are over and though sometimes we tilt to far on the side of political correctness it hurts to be outed as different. I remember as a child lying about my dad, in primary school he died, by high school it was ok to say that my parents had divorced.
In church Sunday morning one of the pastors wives was recounting the same kind of story, having to send her dad who left, a fathers day card. I hate that the devil makes us feel like we are alone in our struggles. Grr at him.
So another Fathers Day is over finally and I still wonder why I havent heard from my dad in about 8 years. It doesnt hurt like it used to but it stole some of my trust.
Heres how the story goes. My dad was not yet 20 when I was born and it was decided by my grandparents on both sides that my mum should raise me and my dad shouldnt have any input. Everyone agreed, it was how it was done back then, my parents werent dating, I was just the product of their brief liason. So I never met him until I was 18 and curious. I made contact with him and we got together, he and his wife and myself and my boyfriend. He and I were so in shock I think, we barely said anything and I there was no follow up.
Then when I was a mum and Sarah was 2 I wrote to him again to let him know he was a grandpa. We built a relationship from there. It wasnt a father daughter one, there was too much history for that, instead it was that he was grandpa to my daughter. And that worked well (for about six months) until I moved house. He and one of my half brothers helped me move and then I never heard from him again. I continue to wonder what I did or said that made me no longer a part of his life. Was it just that we got busy and suddenly it was six months later, then a year then eight years or was there something else to it ? Is he even still alive?
Thats my area of hurt, not that he was a absent during my childhood, he was young, it was socially acceptable, but rather he never initiated relationshp with me and then he let whatever relationship there was slip away. I dont matter to him, and that hurts.
But my father, the king in heaven he loves me unconditionally, he knows my hurts, he's ready to do all that dads do, he is my protector and my friend and he will never leave me. Gently he peels away the bandages of my hurts exposing my sore spots to the world but they are healing, slowely but surely.
Happy Fathers Day. If you dont have a dad here on earth, God in heaven wants to be father to the fatherless. He wants you as his son or daughter, he created you, with a plan in mind and he wants to show you what it is. It is good.
Bec
The Plague of Frogs - Christine CainePosted on 20/12/2006 at 9:57 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkThe Plague of Frogs - Christine CainePosted on August 28, 2006 at 11:06 PM - 2 Comments - Post Comment - LinkThese are my notes from an incredible sermon by Christine Caine when she visited our church in April.
From Exodus 8, "Frogs were everywhere - on the beds, in the ovens, in the palalce, in the homes and on the people".
The Lord says to Pharoah, through Moses "Let my people go that may worship me"
Pharoah summons Moses and Aaron and tells them to pray to the Lord to get rid of the frogs and Pharoah would let the people go.
Moses says to Pharoah "I leave to you the honour of setting the time for mr to pray", in other words, When do you want freedom from the frogs?
Pharoah replies, TOMORROW.
Why wait till tomorrow for your plague to be over? Why spend another day with depression, scars from abuse or whatever afflicts you?
What are Your Frogs? Are they stress, doubt, lonliness, insecurity, etc, etc, etc?
God is ready and able to set us free. When do we want it?
Don't put of till tomorrow what you could or should do today. Guilt and shame form only when something hasnt been dealt with. Deal with something straight away, with wisdom and not emotion and you can avoid the formation of guilt and shame.
Why do people put off freedom and victory?
Why don't people succeed but instead dwell in their mediocrity? Because of: 1. Fear of Failure. 2. Fear of Success. 3. The task is too big and daunting. Where do I start? Its like eating an elephant - one bite at a time. 4. Some reason against the process of change - transformation 5. They don't want to lose control.
We create diversions, so we dont see the need to change. 1. Busyness: We live unaware of the frogs. We become so busy that we can't hear them. But we need to face reality, everyone can see our frogs but us, because we can see everyone elses! If you want to change, ask a trusted friend what they see as your frogs. You need too to ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you what the frigs are, you need to live in the light, denial is no defense.
2. Mental Diversions: We lie to ourselves We talk ourselves out of change We judge ourselves by our intentions. Ask yourself do you judge others by their intentions or their actions? Intentions are a good start but they never make it to the finish line.
3. Emotional Diversions: Numbness of emotion. Not feeling pain, covering up or switching off our feelings. Choosing short term gratification instead of the process of change which is not easy but necessary to be transformed into the likeness of Christ - our ultimate goal, to be more like Him.
Why are you running? What do you fear?
1. Live like this - not tomorrow, but today. Don't wait to be healed, claim it Take Action Now - T.A.N Live life regardless of your circumstances Do what you know is right If your ship hasnt come in yet, swim out to meet it ! Arise int he midst of your circumstances - and that will release the hand of God.
2. Deal with your past - or it will be in every day of your future. Forget behind, press on to the future. Refuse to be stuck in the past. The frogs have become part of your identity, eg, thats Rebecca, insecure and approval seeking. Everyone can see your issues, your frogs, except you.
3. Replace a "Have to do it" mentality with "I want to ..." I fyou have to you wont want to. Wanting to breaks the bondage of legalism.
4. How am I going to finish it? How am I going to be in ministry and as fruitful tot he Kingdom as God wants me to be? Don't worry about the end - how am I going to finish the race, instead just start it. Be faithful with the today
5. Replace Perfectionism mentality with fun! Following God is not about missing out on something. There is nothing greater than having a known purpose in life, than living for the purposes of God
and remember
He has a purpose for you!
BeautifulPosted on 20/12/2006 at 9:57 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkBeautifulPosted on August 28, 2006 at 10:36 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkThe word beautiful is powerful, a word women long to hear. It is uniquely feminine, it captures us as it captivates the eye of the beholder.
But sometimes when we are young the devil can turn beautiful into a filled in well, an area that is supposed to be a source of life but is filled in with the dirt of the world.
God created me to be beautiful, in a unique and captivating way. Yet the reaction I have is a battle between blushing joy and approval and fear. Even when a girlfriend said I was naturally beautiful I froze in fear, hoping she was just being kind, because in the past it was about getting something from me, stealing my innocence. It was Satan's way of destoying me before I got strong and could fight him (It's why he attacks us when we are young).
The strange thing is I can look in the mirror and see that natural beauty. That is a gift many women do not have, they can only see their flaws. But I can see there is a streak, unique and non-conventional but there is a streak of beauty in me. So when people say it, when they see it, its not a matter of disbelief,instead it's a programmed fear, what will this beauty cost me?
So when did beautiful become become a dirty word in my world?
When I was eight years I was sexually abused by the first person ever to call me beautiful and it was done in the dirty, defiling act of sexual abuse. I was conned, tricked and manipulated (ultimately by Satan) into agreeing to be sexually abused.
From that day I made an oath to myself, a vow that said "I will never be beautiful but I will be smart" and smart meant, trust no-one!
Those walls are finally being chipped away, slowely but methodically. I'm learning to trust people, to be more vulnerable (yet wise). I'm learning to open up to how I feel, to what scares me, to what makes me tick and after a couple of months in the darkness when I told God I wouldnt trust him anymore, I've come back into His Love and Mercy and told Him I am His. I've professed to Him that I dont want life without Him, I want to know Him as well as I can. I want to be blinded by the magnificence of his beauty and depth of His character (like Moses). I want to be able to say I have an intimate relationship with Jesus, that I trust Him in everything. And I know it is available to me, because it was available to my friend (who is now rejoicing in His arms) and he doesnt play favourites.
Bec Spanner in the WorksPosted on 20/12/2006 at 9:56 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkSpanner in the WorksPosted on August 27, 2006 at 8:27 AM - 1 Comments - Post Comment - LinkWhen life seems manageable simply add a relationship to stir things up, even with Christians who have appropriate boundaries. (Darn that free choice clause, some days).
I am so inexperienced in relationships. How do you tell someone who you thought was the one 4 months ago when you both broke up, that you've moved on when he's reinterested? The main thing I dislike is the wishy washy stuff. We didnt strictly break-up, 'we took a break from our relationship', he went to see a counsellor re grief issues and she told him what was known already (but he wanted a professional opinion), that hes not ready to move on and he compares every woman to his late wife. She suggested he takes twelve months of being a social butterfly before he thinks about moving on, so thats what his decision was.
The thing is, in his confusion he told me I was just a season in his life but we could still be best friends (why do I gag at that?) and that we just wouldnt date. Looking back he laid down the expectiations but they never met mine. I was happy to slow down, stop talking about marriage (and I will say he was the one in the rush for it) but I wasnt happy to just be a maybe for twelve months. I never agreed to that, I do have some self respect! What kind of mess would I be if after twelve months of him being a social butterfly he landed on someone else? I sought the wisdom of my pastor and she told me she didnt believe he was the one, it was time to let it go and move on, and so after a few tears, crushed dreams and doubting my own judgement, I have moved on. I have good friends in my life of both genders, Im letting God be God, I have little dreams in my heart but I give them to God to let him be sovereign.
As for this relationship, it really is history and I need to be more clear with him about that. And hindsight has shown me that we do have a lot in common but the relationship would be built on a need for acceptance (my need) and a need for the old family life (his need) mixed in all that was we were both convenient for each other, and all that felt like love. (Is'nt it amazing when you look back at how God changes us).
Its my preference to one day be married and to have more children but if that is not Gods plan for my life, Im still believing the plan He has is going to be awesome. In the meantime I appreciate good friendships and the simplicity of their expectations and I wait on God.
Bec Sunday, the greatest day on earthPosted on 20/12/2006 at 9:55 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkSunday, the greatest day on earthPosted on August 27, 2006 at 7:24 AM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkI wish there were some sound effects because the title lost some impact between my mouth and this keyboard. Use your imagination for a just a moment, while I set the scene. It was done with a Homer Simpson enthusiasm:
Sunday, The greatest Day On Earth!
Maybe I will just move on.
Its now 6.45 AECT, Adelaide time. Ive been at work for an hour already, lazy Sunday here. I actually woke up this morning at 4.50am before my alarm went off and after going to bed around midnight. I feel quite refreshed.
Well, yesterday was FUN ! We finished the game of Civilization (which apparently was a first) and had a victor! What a sense of accomplishment. We played for 12 hours in total which included snack breaks, lunch and dinner, LOL and a quick road trip to see sunlight. It was good.
And so that was my Saturday; A success: determined by good friends and lots of laughs, what more could you ask for in life? (and we even had pizza, Woo Hoo (Homer Simpson style))
Bec.
Week Ending 25th AugustPosted on 20/12/2006 at 9:54 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkWeek Ending 25th JulyPosted on August 25, 2006 at 11:06 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkMmm why end a week on a Friday? Because Saturday and Sunday days off are a great way to start a new week.
What a week it has been. Ive worked nights all week and other than that done not much else. I have slept a lot so I feel ok, but I am so looking forward to tomorrow. These days I work six days in a week amd tomorrow is my day off. I am visiting a friend and we are going to play a board game called Civilisation that can go for about 12 hours
I am such a games freak, that is my idea of a perfect lazy Saturday
I said goodbye this week to an incredible lady from my church who right from the first time I met her was so loving and genuine in her acceptance of me. The first time I met her at 30Something she gave me a great big hug, led me by the hand and sat me with some 'friends of hers'. I had such insecurity, I remember thinking if she really knew me she wouldnt want to know me. The thing was, in time she really did know me and she still loved me. For a little girl growing up without love or acceptance she was the out pouring of the Fathers Love. She was the most positive person I knew. She was so in love with Jesus, her trust was never shaken and now she is celebrating and rejoicing in heaven. What an incredible woman Annette was. We have this banner up at 30Something that says on one side, Understanding the Goodness of God and Being loved and accpeted by others. Everytime I look at the loved and accepted part I will remember Annette.
Bec.
Welcome to my Blog WorldPosted on 20/12/2006 at 9:52 PM - 0 Comments - Post Comment - LinkI actually do have a real life outside of here but this is my release valve where I can regurgitate my thoughts, hopefully without payback, LOL.
Please allow me to introduce myself, my name is Rebecca, I am a 32 year old single woman with an eleven year old daughter. I have never been married, although I lived with someone when I was younger. I work fulltime and then some at a Chauffeur company here in Adelaide, South Australia. I love my job, no two days are ever the same. I have my daughter every weekend and I am a part of a wonderful fellowship for single and single again people over thirty, called ThirtySomething. I worship AT Paradise Community Church and I have a great life, overall (there are many times the details dont look so great but the long range forcast is good). I am joyful for the life I have been blessed with, but more importantly for the rose coloured glasses I wear that can change my perspective.
I rent a house that I share with two housemates, both single girls younger than me. There is Rachel whos been here for four months (I love her to bits, she is a GREAT housemate), then there is the new Rebecca who is a lovely girl, but I am still getting used to her, praying for patient endurance.
The bigggest struggle I have in my life is the "Divine Discontentment". I know that God has more in store for me than the life I live now, not in material possessions or favour among man but ... I cant even put my finger on it. I am scoring under par and I know the thing I need to do to lift my game and thats to know my Creator better, to dwell in His word. The struggle I have is I love to read, but I avoid my bible. I pick it up, I put it down again and meanwhile I know that the Word of God getting into my spirit is the ONE thing that will catapult the work of God in my life. I know its more than a lack of discipline, is it rebellion, is it distrust, I dont know but that is my number one struggle.
Yet, I am born to overcome, I can read, I can focus, I am a believer in the Work of God and this is an area I will overcome!
Oops, and I forgot to mention that I am a born again Christian, saved by the Lord's grace and His mercy. I am a sinner in the natural but I am forgiven, His mercy knows no bounds. What an amazing Lord.
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(I think I might cheat and get some instructions from Google on how to play).