Father, Dad, Pappa

Posted on September 4, 2006 at 4:56 AM - Post Comment

Well another fathers day is over.

"There is nothing you could ever do to make me love you less".

Those are the words of the perfect father, the one in heaven who promises never to leave us, never to forsake us, whos thoughts for us are good.

Ive never liked Fathers Day but I have to admit they get easier as I get older. Im no longer strongly encouraged to make a Fathers Day card for a dad I never met or to stand in front of the class and say why I love that same dad so much. Thank God those days are over and though sometimes we tilt to far on the side of political correctness it hurts to be outed as different. I remember as a child lying about my dad, in primary school he died, by high school it was ok to say that my parents had divorced.

In church Sunday morning one of the pastors wives was recounting the same kind of story, having to send her dad who left, a fathers day card. I hate that the devil makes us feel like we are alone in our struggles. Grr at him.

So another Fathers Day is over finally and I still wonder why I havent heard from my dad in about 8 years. It doesnt hurt like it used to but it stole some of my trust.

Heres how the story goes. My dad was not yet 20 when I was born and it was decided by my grandparents on both sides that my mum should raise me and my dad shouldnt have any input. Everyone agreed, it was how it was done back then, my parents werent dating, I was just the product of their brief liason. So I never met him until I was 18 and curious. I made contact with him and we got together, he and his wife and myself and my boyfriend. He and I were so in shock I think, we barely said anything and I there was no follow up.

Then when I was a mum and Sarah was 2 I wrote to him again to let him know he was a grandpa. We built a relationship from there. It wasnt a father daughter one, there was too much history for that, instead it was that he was grandpa to my daughter. And that worked well (for about six months) until I moved house. He and one of my half brothers helped me move and then I never heard from him again. I continue to wonder what I did or said that made me no longer a part of his life. Was it just that we got busy and suddenly it was six months later, then a year then eight years or was there something else to it ? Is he even still alive?

Thats my area of hurt, not that he was a absent during my childhood, he was young, it was socially acceptable, but rather he never initiated relationshp with me and then he let whatever relationship there was slip away. I dont matter to him, and that hurts.

But my father, the king in heaven he loves me unconditionally, he knows my hurts, he's ready to do all that dads do, he is my protector and my friend and he will never leave me. Gently he peels away the bandages of my hurts exposing my sore spots to the world but they are healing, slowely but surely.

Happy Fathers Day. If you dont have a dad here on earth, God in heaven wants to be father to the fatherless. He wants you as his son or daughter, he created you, with a plan in mind and he wants to show you what it is. It is good.

Bec