When people first started asking me where my boyfriend was when I turned up to functions with our mutual friends, I use to worry that I should know where he was all the time.  I soon managed to ensure I didn’t go insane by reassuring myself that I trusted him and I have better things to worry about than where my boyfriend is 24-7.  After all, he’s a grown man, he can look after himself.  That and why should any one but me worry about it?  Last night I realised there may be another reason why people were asking, when some one told me she though we lived together.  Call me old fashioned, but I’ve resolved to never live with someone I’m not married to and I’m still surprised when people as for some reason.

In the past the distinction between couples that were married and an not was pretty cut and dry – if you were married you lived together, slept together, were able to have children, were entitled to each others property in the even of a partner passing or if the union split and were generally recognised as a couple socially.  If you weren’t married, unless you were prepared to live on the outside of society, you were none of those things.

Even though I’m a Christian, I’m well aware of the fact that those things are not necessarily set in stone now.  People sleep with and even have children with people they’ve met once.  De facto partners are entitled to settlements after splitting and couples who have been together for a long time are recognised in most circles.  And as much as I’m not an example of Christian purity, I still hold marriage in esteem and may even consider joining the ranks of the married one day.  I think that because of it, there still need to be boundaries between the relationships you have before and after you’re married.  That’s why I don’t like the idea of living with someone before I’m married, having children before I’m married and having completely identical social groups and lives.  Perhaps it’s just a shoe that fits me, I know it’s not for every one.  But it’s also why I’m always surprised when people expect me to be knowing every move or be living with someone who’s very special to me, but has not asked to be my life partner yet.